At age 30, you are at the point when life is suppose to be good. Normally, at 30 you will be beginning to start a family of your own or probably in the midst of starting one, preparing for the wedding etc. For some, a child is on the way or some are already parents. At least that is what is happening around me.
I was just reading an article on Mypaper this morning, interestingly, there was a quote from Arsene Wenger, Manager of Arsenal Football Club. The Arsenal team he is managing is a relatively young and inexperience team because of their age, so he argued that the trophy is not necessary won by the more experience and older teams but rather the more talented, teams that shows more desire and intelligence, irregardless of age.
I realised a common trait amongst the successful footballers and the not so successful. Wenger is right in certain aspects, age is not everything. Neither is talent. It is a combination of Talents, intelligence and more importantly desire that sets the champions apart from the rest.
All you have to do is look at Liverpool, they have the players and talents but yet they constantly stumble in the premier league for the many years it has been played. This season they did better because they showed more desire than the previous seasons.
Steven Gerrald is one of those players that showed desire, Mascherano and Torres also showed desire. Kurt, Reira, Carrager and alonso are also playing better because they caught on to the desire to win. Rafa has managed to bring in players that has the desire to win. No offense to the talented players who use to play for Liverpool. Think Kewell, he is such a talented player but you can see that he lacks the drive and desire.
Well, enough of football talks. I am beginning to realise the one important thing lacking in my life now is desire. A desire for excellence, a desire to want to do the best of my potential. If anyone can show me how to fan my desire for life please enlightened me. I am beginning to feel that i was wiser when i was 18 full of desire for life and now coming 30, i am just being to lose that desire to live life. What a shame..........
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Thursday, 30 October 2008
How bad do you really want it?
The greatest failure in life is not to fail but rather, being afraid to take the chances and fear failure. Everyone is unique and has their very own God given potential and talent. Most of us go to work everyday, do our job and go home to our family in the evening.
There will come a time when suddenly you will be seized by an urge to want to break out of your norm, the everyday life , the mediocrity that plagues all of us who are not willing to stretch ourselves further.
It is not enough to just have this urge, this urge has to tie in with your God given purpose in life, because out of purpose comes passion. This purpose and passion will then consume you and propel you. Day and night your mind has only this in mind, this is all you think about, this is all you feed upon. When you experience this, you know that your success is inevitable.
Because in the famous words of Napoleon Hill, "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, It will achieve." I will like to add to that, "Whatever God conceives and place it upon your heart, take hold of it and believe that with God all things are possible, and it will surely come to pass."
Law of attraction at work, coupled with God's ways and blessing, it is multiplied exponentially! We are the children of the King of Kings, can you even imagine the inheritance we are entitled to? God is moulding us and teaching us to be able to handle his riches, not just financially but riches in every aspect of your lives. All we have to do is believe it and live it!
There will come a time when suddenly you will be seized by an urge to want to break out of your norm, the everyday life , the mediocrity that plagues all of us who are not willing to stretch ourselves further.
It is not enough to just have this urge, this urge has to tie in with your God given purpose in life, because out of purpose comes passion. This purpose and passion will then consume you and propel you. Day and night your mind has only this in mind, this is all you think about, this is all you feed upon. When you experience this, you know that your success is inevitable.
Because in the famous words of Napoleon Hill, "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, It will achieve." I will like to add to that, "Whatever God conceives and place it upon your heart, take hold of it and believe that with God all things are possible, and it will surely come to pass."
Law of attraction at work, coupled with God's ways and blessing, it is multiplied exponentially! We are the children of the King of Kings, can you even imagine the inheritance we are entitled to? God is moulding us and teaching us to be able to handle his riches, not just financially but riches in every aspect of your lives. All we have to do is believe it and live it!
Friday, 3 October 2008
Vineyard - Many grapes make a bunch
To all my new colleagues at Vineyard. You have made my first 4 months a wonderful experience. There are so many different teams within the branch but i choose to celebrate the diversity. It makes my life so much more interesting than ever.
Firstly my thanks to MM and TM, my 2 bosses. MM, to your insights and long term vision that make svineyard what it will be tomorrow. To TM, for your coaching and mentoring and ideas that make vineyard what it is today.
To AQ, my manager, who is so willing to guide me patiently even though she doesn't have to.
To XL and his interesting team of advisers that never fails to brightened up my day.
To BY and his group as well for their drive and passion for the business.
The things i have learnt for the past 4 months has been invaluable and i will continue to drive on to qualify for CRT next year.
And of course thanks to God for placing me where i am now, i am beginning to see the vision that was given to me so many years ago. I will be on that stage!
Firstly my thanks to MM and TM, my 2 bosses. MM, to your insights and long term vision that make svineyard what it will be tomorrow. To TM, for your coaching and mentoring and ideas that make vineyard what it is today.
To AQ, my manager, who is so willing to guide me patiently even though she doesn't have to.
To XL and his interesting team of advisers that never fails to brightened up my day.
To BY and his group as well for their drive and passion for the business.
The things i have learnt for the past 4 months has been invaluable and i will continue to drive on to qualify for CRT next year.
And of course thanks to God for placing me where i am now, i am beginning to see the vision that was given to me so many years ago. I will be on that stage!
Saturday, 20 September 2008
The man in the mirror
One of the things that you do every morning, will be starring yourself in the mirror. If the image happens to say that you are ugly, you are ugly. Well, not exactly, imaging plays an inportant part in our lives. Self image, self belief. Your social image can be very different from your real image. How other sees you can also be different from how you see yourself.
Your perception of yourself will determined how you behave. I suffer from a very poor self image. That leads to a confidence issue. It manifest in my life. Many things that i start to do, i do not complete it, simply because i do not have the confidence to make it work or finish it. Sad but true. After living almost half my life, i realise that i have a serious problem of the perception of my identity.
I have beliefs like "I don't deserve good things in my life, or I am not good enough to derserve someone who loves me." I think all this can resolve only by having a strong identity in Christ. Knowing that who i am is not as important as who He is. And when that happens i will grow into the identity of Jesus.
Therefore its is no longer i that live but Christ that live in me.
Your perception of yourself will determined how you behave. I suffer from a very poor self image. That leads to a confidence issue. It manifest in my life. Many things that i start to do, i do not complete it, simply because i do not have the confidence to make it work or finish it. Sad but true. After living almost half my life, i realise that i have a serious problem of the perception of my identity.
I have beliefs like "I don't deserve good things in my life, or I am not good enough to derserve someone who loves me." I think all this can resolve only by having a strong identity in Christ. Knowing that who i am is not as important as who He is. And when that happens i will grow into the identity of Jesus.
Therefore its is no longer i that live but Christ that live in me.
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Its human nature to remember the bad but forget the good
After blogging my last entry, i received many concern smses and even people i didn't know who encouraged me to hanged on. I know i need to reply or people who cares enough about me will be left wondering what is happening in my life.
I am not sick physically neither am i suicidal. Mentally i am weak from the changes that are happening in my life. I have forgotten all the good things i have in my life and focused on all things bad. I looked back at my life on realised that i have changed. Definitely not for the better.
One thing that i cannot accept is the fact that my spiritual life is topsy turvy. How far i have drifted from God although i know how much i need Him. That is why knowledge is not power... application is. You may know many things but if you don't live it and apply it, it is as good as you don't have it
There is nothing wrong with my life, i think i am more fortunate than the majority of the population of the world. I am perhaps sadden that there is so much more i can achieve in my life but due to one reason or another i have not managed to achieve. Many people at my age are facing similar things as well but they do respond differently.
I figured that when you are faced with challenges in your life, there are a few things you can choose to do.
1. Leave it and ignore it. Don't face it
2. Face it head on and struggle as much as you as needed to conquer it.
3. Face it with God, friends and family. Struggle with the knowledge that you are not alone and they understand how you feel and still love you no matter what you achieve or cannot achieve.
I am truly blessed with many friends who care. Family members who understands. A God who against all odds choose to love me and bless me.
Its all that i need to know... for now.
I am not sick physically neither am i suicidal. Mentally i am weak from the changes that are happening in my life. I have forgotten all the good things i have in my life and focused on all things bad. I looked back at my life on realised that i have changed. Definitely not for the better.
One thing that i cannot accept is the fact that my spiritual life is topsy turvy. How far i have drifted from God although i know how much i need Him. That is why knowledge is not power... application is. You may know many things but if you don't live it and apply it, it is as good as you don't have it
There is nothing wrong with my life, i think i am more fortunate than the majority of the population of the world. I am perhaps sadden that there is so much more i can achieve in my life but due to one reason or another i have not managed to achieve. Many people at my age are facing similar things as well but they do respond differently.
I figured that when you are faced with challenges in your life, there are a few things you can choose to do.
1. Leave it and ignore it. Don't face it
2. Face it head on and struggle as much as you as needed to conquer it.
3. Face it with God, friends and family. Struggle with the knowledge that you are not alone and they understand how you feel and still love you no matter what you achieve or cannot achieve.
I am truly blessed with many friends who care. Family members who understands. A God who against all odds choose to love me and bless me.
Its all that i need to know... for now.
Monday, 14 July 2008
Its officially over
My life officially ended today. It's worst than a physical death. It's death in its purest sense. My emotions are dead, my spirit is dying... It is sad to have all these truth in my head but i don't choose to believe them. I am a walking living corpse, the mind has died, my Spirit burning out and a physical body waiting to wither away.
What meaning does my life bear? Where does it lead to? I am turning my friends away one by one. I am turning my mother away. I have stopped almost all contact with my closer church friends. I have stopped getting involved in their lives by choice... I am sorry i have stopped being a friend.
My mind is not sound anymore. I will still function in the norm but thats it, norm. I don't know when i stopped caring... I don't know when i stopped loving... but i did.
Nothing matters to me anymore it seems. Not my job, my family, friends, church or even God... All these while i try to make it work but it finally fell apart.
I don't know if i will ever pick up the pieces again. I have lost all belief in myself and i pray that i have not lost belief in Him....
All i can say is I am sorry.
What meaning does my life bear? Where does it lead to? I am turning my friends away one by one. I am turning my mother away. I have stopped almost all contact with my closer church friends. I have stopped getting involved in their lives by choice... I am sorry i have stopped being a friend.
My mind is not sound anymore. I will still function in the norm but thats it, norm. I don't know when i stopped caring... I don't know when i stopped loving... but i did.
Nothing matters to me anymore it seems. Not my job, my family, friends, church or even God... All these while i try to make it work but it finally fell apart.
I don't know if i will ever pick up the pieces again. I have lost all belief in myself and i pray that i have not lost belief in Him....
All i can say is I am sorry.
Thursday, 12 June 2008
Cut your limb off.
If your left eye causes you to sin, gouge it out! If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to lose part of your limbs then to lose your whole body. To lose your being , your spirit. So says the bible. Certain principles and lessons in the bible are best learnt when put into your own context, into your own reality. Your life is based on your perception and your perception is your reality. The only way someone else’s reality becomes yours is when he cast his own reality into yours and changes your perception. That can be casting of a vision in your life. It can be a sales person selling you a product. He made his reality your perception. That’s not the point I was trying to make, and I digress.
I have come to a point in life when I realise that there are too many extra baggage that I have been trying to carry for far too long. Many friendships that have not make positive influences in my life. Perceptions cast into my life that moulded my reality. Pastor Pierre spoke of 2 things in my life that I need to change and it was very true. Circle of friends and bad habit.
I never took it too seriously but I realise that both these things have been affecting me in ways unimaginable.
Just last week, I was serving in Camporama for the royal rangers (Uniform group for Christian youth and kids) and I totally felt out of place. God was speaking to me, I used to feel in place in the company of Christians and believers, but now I just feel out of place. I used to serve in the youth group as a youth leader, I play the drums, guitar and worship lead for the services in church, I teach in Sunday school. I serve in cell group and what do I do now?
I sleep late on Sunday mornings and skip church, don’t even start talking about serving in ministry.
Where is my life heading towards? How do I get there? It doesn’t matter how I get there if I cannot answer where I want to end. My prophecy in my life has not come to past. If I cannot settle my heart in my life I will always be mediocre in whatever I do. I am willing to cut off my arm and gouge out that eye. I just asked that the Holy sprit will be my crutches and cane for me to find my way again.
I have come to a point in life when I realise that there are too many extra baggage that I have been trying to carry for far too long. Many friendships that have not make positive influences in my life. Perceptions cast into my life that moulded my reality. Pastor Pierre spoke of 2 things in my life that I need to change and it was very true. Circle of friends and bad habit.
I never took it too seriously but I realise that both these things have been affecting me in ways unimaginable.
Just last week, I was serving in Camporama for the royal rangers (Uniform group for Christian youth and kids) and I totally felt out of place. God was speaking to me, I used to feel in place in the company of Christians and believers, but now I just feel out of place. I used to serve in the youth group as a youth leader, I play the drums, guitar and worship lead for the services in church, I teach in Sunday school. I serve in cell group and what do I do now?
I sleep late on Sunday mornings and skip church, don’t even start talking about serving in ministry.
Where is my life heading towards? How do I get there? It doesn’t matter how I get there if I cannot answer where I want to end. My prophecy in my life has not come to past. If I cannot settle my heart in my life I will always be mediocre in whatever I do. I am willing to cut off my arm and gouge out that eye. I just asked that the Holy sprit will be my crutches and cane for me to find my way again.
Thursday, 29 May 2008
What God has for you is bigger than you can ever imagine
It is easy to fall into the trap of believing in what legalistic Christians called Prosperity Gospel. There are Christians who strongly believed that money is the root of all things evil. The bible take is… love of money is the root of all evil not money itself.
There is no doubt in my mind that God is a generous God. He is the giver of all good things. He blessed His children with many good gifts and He will not stop doing that till it overflows. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be blessed by God’s gift. There are 2 aspects that we have to be wary of.
Firstly, loving the gifts instead of the giver. Jesus was clear what was the most important thing being a child of God. To love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your strength and not have any other God’s before Him. We run into trouble when we start to put money as the no.1 priority in our lives. I am purposely citing money because many tend to equate blessings and prosperity from God in the monetary sense. Which comes to my next point.
Blessings from God does not simply equate financial blessings. I used to think so. I thought switching back into the financial industry was God’s way of telling me that its time to fill your barn with overflowing gold and multi currencies. I though when God showed me that 2008 will be a year of redemption for me meant making up for lost time that I wasted not putting my potential to full capacity in my career. While its is partly true but nevertheless it is not the sum of all its parts.
I cannot even imagine myself saying this now. I totally dig what I am doing right now. For fear of many of friends stoning me after reading this, I just want to say this out loud. It is possible to love what you are doing! At least I am feeling it right now. I am typing this blog entry in a crowded bus on my way home. Its quarter past 10 and I had just finished a 15 hour work day, I am tired but happy? Wow… unbelievable. This coming from me whose aspiration is to be a professional poker player and win the WSOP in 2010.
I will not elaborate on how God has placed me in my current placement as I have already elaborated in my previous blog entry. I seriously thought it was just for the financial blessings. The things I have learnt and was reminded of in the past 1 month has justified my move from the media industry.
I believe next week will be a great week. I will be helping out in camporama as a helper. Currently I am trying to find an avenue for me to serve and music seems too obvious. So I am praying and asking God to show me more areas of possibilities. This will be great start.
Let’s put things into perspective. God is good, he blesses. Christ has died once and for all for our sins. God cannot impute sin on us if we are under the blood of Jesus. For those sin preacher out there, woe to you if you condemn sinners! The church doors are open for sinners, don’t make the sinners feel unworthy of Jesus. Jesus came for the sinners and not the righteous. Don’t go preaching about sins in the lives of people, go preach about Christ and his finished work and His saving grace. That is what matters most.
Right believing will lead to right living! If you know God, you have experience His love in your live. Expect Great things from God. He will show you things beyond your imagination. He will richly bless your life more than you can ever imagine. Financial blessings is just a by product of His blessings in your life. You will have to think out of the box when it comes to God, cuz that’s where you will find His blessings, overflowing out of it!
There is no doubt in my mind that God is a generous God. He is the giver of all good things. He blessed His children with many good gifts and He will not stop doing that till it overflows. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be blessed by God’s gift. There are 2 aspects that we have to be wary of.
Firstly, loving the gifts instead of the giver. Jesus was clear what was the most important thing being a child of God. To love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your strength and not have any other God’s before Him. We run into trouble when we start to put money as the no.1 priority in our lives. I am purposely citing money because many tend to equate blessings and prosperity from God in the monetary sense. Which comes to my next point.
Blessings from God does not simply equate financial blessings. I used to think so. I thought switching back into the financial industry was God’s way of telling me that its time to fill your barn with overflowing gold and multi currencies. I though when God showed me that 2008 will be a year of redemption for me meant making up for lost time that I wasted not putting my potential to full capacity in my career. While its is partly true but nevertheless it is not the sum of all its parts.
I cannot even imagine myself saying this now. I totally dig what I am doing right now. For fear of many of friends stoning me after reading this, I just want to say this out loud. It is possible to love what you are doing! At least I am feeling it right now. I am typing this blog entry in a crowded bus on my way home. Its quarter past 10 and I had just finished a 15 hour work day, I am tired but happy? Wow… unbelievable. This coming from me whose aspiration is to be a professional poker player and win the WSOP in 2010.
I will not elaborate on how God has placed me in my current placement as I have already elaborated in my previous blog entry. I seriously thought it was just for the financial blessings. The things I have learnt and was reminded of in the past 1 month has justified my move from the media industry.
I believe next week will be a great week. I will be helping out in camporama as a helper. Currently I am trying to find an avenue for me to serve and music seems too obvious. So I am praying and asking God to show me more areas of possibilities. This will be great start.
Let’s put things into perspective. God is good, he blesses. Christ has died once and for all for our sins. God cannot impute sin on us if we are under the blood of Jesus. For those sin preacher out there, woe to you if you condemn sinners! The church doors are open for sinners, don’t make the sinners feel unworthy of Jesus. Jesus came for the sinners and not the righteous. Don’t go preaching about sins in the lives of people, go preach about Christ and his finished work and His saving grace. That is what matters most.
Right believing will lead to right living! If you know God, you have experience His love in your live. Expect Great things from God. He will show you things beyond your imagination. He will richly bless your life more than you can ever imagine. Financial blessings is just a by product of His blessings in your life. You will have to think out of the box when it comes to God, cuz that’s where you will find His blessings, overflowing out of it!
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
I took myself out of the game
Who would have thought a movie would be the one to make some sense of what is happening in my life. This particular scene in the movie made alot of sense to me, the movie was "What happens in Vegas." Movie one liners intriques me. Just mentioned a line in the movies and i probably can tell you which movie is it from.
The more popular one liners are like: "You got me at hello." "With great power comes great resposibility" (Think Kung Fu Hustle lol.) "Freedom!!!!" (One worder) "Run forest run" "Do i make u horny?" You get the idea.
The particular scene was when Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz started to realise that they were falling in love with each other. He realise that all his life, he has never took things seriously enough, "I took myself out of the game." he confessed. "Guess when you don't place your bet in life, you wouldn't lose anything." This was a simple truth yet it stuck with me.
I realise that was me, and i always wondered why i never took life seriously enough. I never put myself on the line, to win or to lose. Playing poker made me realise this as well. You must be able to bet to win. Be it preflop, on the flop, on the turn or the river. Sometimes just by betting, you will win even with the worst hand!
My whole life, i simply took myself out of the game. I never lose nor will i ever win. Do i want to live my life this way? Hell no!
"I took myself out of the game." "If i don't place the bet i will never lose" to which Cameron Diaz replied:"I will bet on you."
Though i never did place a bet on myself, Jesus did. He believed in me even when i failed, even when i sinned, even when i fell. In the same way, though i never wanted to lose... my mother believed in me, even when i was wrong, even when i was stubborn, even when i was rebellious.
Why did God take me out of my comfort zone in advertising, I love the industry, i love the people, i love magazines... it gets clearer by the day. We have one God given life and many God given talents. We can choose to sit on the sideline of our own life and let others be the quarterback to lead our team?
I also realise that i am not the only one, many around me seems to be this way as well. Somewhere along the line we stop taking chances, in work, in relationships, in life generally. By the time we realised this, 1 year has passed, 3 years, 10 years have passed us by. Yet we just let the years slipped by.
I am beginning to want to live my life, but this time i am not doing it alone. His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.
The more popular one liners are like: "You got me at hello." "With great power comes great resposibility" (Think Kung Fu Hustle lol.) "Freedom!!!!" (One worder) "Run forest run" "Do i make u horny?" You get the idea.
The particular scene was when Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz started to realise that they were falling in love with each other. He realise that all his life, he has never took things seriously enough, "I took myself out of the game." he confessed. "Guess when you don't place your bet in life, you wouldn't lose anything." This was a simple truth yet it stuck with me.
I realise that was me, and i always wondered why i never took life seriously enough. I never put myself on the line, to win or to lose. Playing poker made me realise this as well. You must be able to bet to win. Be it preflop, on the flop, on the turn or the river. Sometimes just by betting, you will win even with the worst hand!
My whole life, i simply took myself out of the game. I never lose nor will i ever win. Do i want to live my life this way? Hell no!
"I took myself out of the game." "If i don't place the bet i will never lose" to which Cameron Diaz replied:"I will bet on you."
Though i never did place a bet on myself, Jesus did. He believed in me even when i failed, even when i sinned, even when i fell. In the same way, though i never wanted to lose... my mother believed in me, even when i was wrong, even when i was stubborn, even when i was rebellious.
Why did God take me out of my comfort zone in advertising, I love the industry, i love the people, i love magazines... it gets clearer by the day. We have one God given life and many God given talents. We can choose to sit on the sideline of our own life and let others be the quarterback to lead our team?
I also realise that i am not the only one, many around me seems to be this way as well. Somewhere along the line we stop taking chances, in work, in relationships, in life generally. By the time we realised this, 1 year has passed, 3 years, 10 years have passed us by. Yet we just let the years slipped by.
I am beginning to want to live my life, but this time i am not doing it alone. His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
He makes all things wonderful, in His time
It is apt that i am writing this blog entry now. Tomorrow marks a new beginning for me. It took me a while to make this switch back into the financial sector but once i prayed and decided and on it, i know there is no turning back. If i haven't left SPHM and taken the job offer at L&N, i am sure i would've even think about rejoining the financial industry. It has been more than 4 years since i left. Now i feel like i am starting all over again.
Some may say it takes a lot of courage to make this decision at my age. Honestly, i am amaze at myself as well. After making this decision, i actually started to doubt myself, my own abilities, how i might be digging a hole for myself.
Last sunday, during service i felt the Holy spirit speaking to me in my heart. Athough i haven't been the "best" of christian but somehow i still feel the presence of the HS very strongly. Darlene who was leading worship was truly incredible, you can just feel her annointing in worship so strongly.
Immediately after the worship, i wrote this in my notebook... "Salvation is not about what u did or what you can do, its about what Jesus did and what He is going to do in your life." I was reminded that my life is not about my abilities, my shortcomings, my strength or my talents. It is about who God is in my life, and i can rest assure in my salvation in Him because of His love and sacrifice on the cross for me 2000 years ago. Its a simple yet powerful truth. Many people knows this but never believe it fully. I have friends whom i invited to church but refuse to come to church because they think they are not ready for God or they are not worthy for church. The very reason why Jesus died on the cross for them is the very excuse they use to refuse Him.
Nobody is ever ready for God or worthy of church, that is why Jesus came down from heaven to die for our sins... duhhh?!?! To me in this stage of my life i am beginning to see things more in perspective. Less of self more of Him. It doesn't matter who i am, what's more important is who He is.
Some may say it takes a lot of courage to make this decision at my age. Honestly, i am amaze at myself as well. After making this decision, i actually started to doubt myself, my own abilities, how i might be digging a hole for myself.
Last sunday, during service i felt the Holy spirit speaking to me in my heart. Athough i haven't been the "best" of christian but somehow i still feel the presence of the HS very strongly. Darlene who was leading worship was truly incredible, you can just feel her annointing in worship so strongly.
Immediately after the worship, i wrote this in my notebook... "Salvation is not about what u did or what you can do, its about what Jesus did and what He is going to do in your life." I was reminded that my life is not about my abilities, my shortcomings, my strength or my talents. It is about who God is in my life, and i can rest assure in my salvation in Him because of His love and sacrifice on the cross for me 2000 years ago. Its a simple yet powerful truth. Many people knows this but never believe it fully. I have friends whom i invited to church but refuse to come to church because they think they are not ready for God or they are not worthy for church. The very reason why Jesus died on the cross for them is the very excuse they use to refuse Him.
Nobody is ever ready for God or worthy of church, that is why Jesus came down from heaven to die for our sins... duhhh?!?! To me in this stage of my life i am beginning to see things more in perspective. Less of self more of Him. It doesn't matter who i am, what's more important is who He is.
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
Daniel Negreanu's blog entry
A blog entry from one of my favourite poker player. Playing poker is similar to investing in the stock market or even starting a business. I look at my hole cards and decide how much to invest. I need to know the business climate and economic outlook before i invest (what players are u playing against and your position, early middle or late position)
Without God I'm Useless
16 Jan 2007
I'm a mess. In every sense of the word my mind is not in a good place right now. I started 07' on a high, fresh, and looking to dominate the poker world with a steady diet of working out and playing my best in the tournaments.Bahamas went great. I stuck to my regimen of poker and exercise, totally focused on doing my best at the tables. Then I came to Australia, looking forward to the Aussie Millions and I put in a pitiful performance in everything that I did. I was groggy at all times, abandoned my workouts, and played some of the worst poker I could play.How did this all happen? I was so focused on being a lion all year long, and within the first month I was already an absolute joke.
Without God I'm Useless
16 Jan 2007
I'm a mess. In every sense of the word my mind is not in a good place right now. I started 07' on a high, fresh, and looking to dominate the poker world with a steady diet of working out and playing my best in the tournaments.Bahamas went great. I stuck to my regimen of poker and exercise, totally focused on doing my best at the tables. Then I came to Australia, looking forward to the Aussie Millions and I put in a pitiful performance in everything that I did. I was groggy at all times, abandoned my workouts, and played some of the worst poker I could play.How did this all happen? I was so focused on being a lion all year long, and within the first month I was already an absolute joke.
Sure, I could have won the hands I played for all my chips, but even if I did, it wouldn't have been a good thing since my decisions were just wrong.So how does God play into this? God plays into it in a big way, at least for me anyway. With all of the resolutions I'd set for myself in 07', not one of them mentioned having a deeper relationship with God in my life. I mentioned video games, working out, and all sorts of things, but there wasn't one mention of what is truly important to me and my well being.Too focused on "me" and less focused on the fact that without God, I am nothing.
Without a close, personal relationship with God, happiness would be impossible.I'll be honest with you- this month I've been on an emotional roller coaster. At one point I was super excited about working out on a regular basis, but since being in Australia, one of the most beautiful places in the world, I've been pretty depressed.Not only because of my poor decisions, but also because I'm here without my wife. I miss her, I really do.
Before this trip we'd really gotten so much closer and I became so comfortable with her around. I don't think I'll ever be away from her for this long again. In fact, I'm going home. I'm going home tomorrow. Unfortunately, Lori won't be there for the couple days I'm home before Tunica, but I just need to recharge my batteries nonetheless.
Tonight I went out with "the guys." It was a lot of fun and the conversation was very interesting.
We ended up talking about God for much of the evening, and despite the fact that several of my friends were non-believers, the conversation was so refreshing since they never mocked me for my beliefs, and we had an open, religious dialogue without it ever turning nasty. It was awesome. Perry Friedman, a guy who I've always respected but never really had a chance to know personally, blew me away.
His views of God weren't entirely in line with mine, but he treated me with the utmost respect despite the fact that we disagreed on a few things. I'm so thankful for his open mindedness and his willingness to talk to me about such a touchy subject.Anyway, about that touchy subject. This blog isn't intended to be a religious blog.
This blog isn't intended to "convert" anybody into becoming a believer. This blog, is an opportunity for me to share with you all what is going on with my life. On that note, I have to say that I've been lonely, and it's not just a case of missing my home, my wife, and my little dog Mushu. I feel like in many ways that my personal relationship with God has faded and it kills me to admit that. This affects my poker mind, but frankly, I could care less about any of that. I'm more concerned with the person I've become recently, and I don't like that guy one bit. I'm often irritated, jealous, venomous, spiteful, arrogant, mean, insecure, and all around unhappy.
Trying to fill those gaps with things like "working out" just don't last. It's a great step, don't get me wrong, but without a close relationship with God in my life, I don't LIVE. I die slowly, I hate, I complain, I'm sick... I hurt. Most of you, despite the fact that you may feel like you "know me," really don't know what it's like to live my life. I'm NOT complaining, my life is great and I have all kinds of opportunities, but sometimes, too much of a good thing can be harmful. Vanity is the deadliest sin in so many ways, but especially because it sneaks up on you without you even realizing it.
It's the sin I'm most conscious of, most afraid of, but it's still a constant battle despite knowing that it's there.I hate to think that this blog is coming off like a, "poor me" blog. I've always tried to let people in, and it's always made me feel better. At the same time, there is a price to pay for always putting on a smiley face, even when you don't feel like smiling at all. The people here in Australian are so nice, they've treated me exceptionally well... but I want nothing to do with it right now. I feel safer tucked away in my room, sweating the hockey games, and the tennis.
Anyway, it's getting pretty late here in Melbourne and I have a flight to catch. I'm seriously not even sure if I'm going to press send on this blog, because a lot of it is pretty revealing, and some may even find it preachy despite the fact that I've tried to be as "unpreachy" as possible.God is important to me. My life is better when I make God the center of it. When I don't, regardless of any tournament success or accolades, I just can't be happy unless I feel like I'm at a good place with God.In closing, I don't plan on turning this blog into a religious soap box, but this is MY blog and this is what I think about. I try my best to play it safe, not jamming God down people's throats, but at the same time, I'm not about to hide the fact that I believe.Here's to an awesome 2007, hoping that we all get our resolutions and priorities in order.
Friday, 4 April 2008
Perpetually tired
Recently, i found myself needing alot of rest. I seem tired the whole day and just can't seem to perk myself up and function properly. Of course the first thing i should really do is to sleep early.
The fact is i can't... 2 am is the earliest i can try to sleep. Other than that i need to be on the internet doing something. Most probably on Facebook playing Texas holdem. I decided to give up on that as well. It is really quite meaningless chasing after that next ranking. Can you imagine the number of hours that is poured into daily when i can actually do something else with the time.
We need a FBTHA, Face book texas holdem annoymous group for support to quit this madness. The best thing about this is the fact that i am not the only one. Everytime i log on, i will see the familliar group of ppl on different table. Be it a point game or tournament. The satisfaction you get in winning the tournament is incredible! You know who u are...
We have also offcially move 1 rung up the ladder of poker... we are going to start playing live games! This way we can truly mold ourselves to be better poker players. I don't know about the others but i do have an objective in mind to all these hours invested in poker. I have only shared this with a few people but coming 2011, i will want to participate in the WSOP 2011. If possible i want to participate in the main event. Be it for the pride of Singapore or for the experience i think it is worth the 10k buy in. I have not truly come across a professional singaporean player yet. I will love to be a poker player who puts Singapore on the Poker map if i can.
Imagine, me playing on the final table of the WSOP main event. Daniel Negreneu sitting on my left, doyle brunson across me with his son Todd beside him as well. Daniel push all in, Toby maguire folded to me and i call Daniel's all in with pocket AA vs Daniels pocket QQ. The flop came 267 rainbow, the turn came a Q and Daniel jumps for joy and went delirious until the dealer turns over an A on the river and i send Daniel home packing. wowwww.... the ups and downs of poker are not for the weak.
The whole point of this post? I need sleep and i should stop playing poker non stop for hours at night... maybe only 2 hours.
The fact is i can't... 2 am is the earliest i can try to sleep. Other than that i need to be on the internet doing something. Most probably on Facebook playing Texas holdem. I decided to give up on that as well. It is really quite meaningless chasing after that next ranking. Can you imagine the number of hours that is poured into daily when i can actually do something else with the time.
We need a FBTHA, Face book texas holdem annoymous group for support to quit this madness. The best thing about this is the fact that i am not the only one. Everytime i log on, i will see the familliar group of ppl on different table. Be it a point game or tournament. The satisfaction you get in winning the tournament is incredible! You know who u are...
We have also offcially move 1 rung up the ladder of poker... we are going to start playing live games! This way we can truly mold ourselves to be better poker players. I don't know about the others but i do have an objective in mind to all these hours invested in poker. I have only shared this with a few people but coming 2011, i will want to participate in the WSOP 2011. If possible i want to participate in the main event. Be it for the pride of Singapore or for the experience i think it is worth the 10k buy in. I have not truly come across a professional singaporean player yet. I will love to be a poker player who puts Singapore on the Poker map if i can.
Imagine, me playing on the final table of the WSOP main event. Daniel Negreneu sitting on my left, doyle brunson across me with his son Todd beside him as well. Daniel push all in, Toby maguire folded to me and i call Daniel's all in with pocket AA vs Daniels pocket QQ. The flop came 267 rainbow, the turn came a Q and Daniel jumps for joy and went delirious until the dealer turns over an A on the river and i send Daniel home packing. wowwww.... the ups and downs of poker are not for the weak.
The whole point of this post? I need sleep and i should stop playing poker non stop for hours at night... maybe only 2 hours.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
Why we love Poker and poker Lesson 1
I started playing Poker after watching a few movies with a little poker in it. Texas holdem to be specific and not the typical showhand pokers you see in Stephen Chow's movies.
One of the movie was James Bond with Daniel Craig as 007 and the other... i can't really remember. There are many lessons you can draw from playing poker, i think everyone should play this game if not at least draw lessons from it. I am no Poker Pro but just want to share my experience after playing online poker for about a year now.
The poker game has evolved over the years and attracted many interest all around the world especially with the huge interest in the World Series of Poker (WSOP) after Chris Moneymaker an amateur won the WSOP in 2003. Everyone called it the Moneymaker effect. Chris a former accountant who earns $40k a year won 2.5 million in cold hard cash in the WSOP. It was every grown up poor man's wet dream... to put it crudely. Moneymaker delve into poker after watching Rounders, starring Matt Damon. If anyone of you is interested in Poker, you should watch it, it should at least stir some interest to play.
After the moneymaker effect, the participation in WSOP skyrocketed. Prize money for the main event in 2006 was an obscene amount of more than 12 million dollars! Jamie Gold won it that year. It was the highest ever prize money in the history of WSOP. Without further bantering, here is lesson 1.
No 1 Lesson: Read your opponents
The ability to read and understand your opponent is very important in poker. To be able to read your opponents allows you to know what hole cards they are holding. Daniel Negreanu is one of the few i seen who is able to read his opponents card so well that it sometimes it's as if he has x ray vision.
There are a few ways to do to read your opponents. One way is to look for tells. Certain action that your opponent do when he is bluffing or has a good hand i.e talk alot or start looking away from the table.
Another way is betting pattern, some players like to raise pre flop when they are bluffing and slow play when they have big hands. The way they raise, check-raise, on the turn, on the river etc.
Sometimes its just experience that allows you to read your opponent. I am sure legends like Doyle Brunson don't even have to actively think about what to do anymore. It is all automated in his mind.
Application in life:
Interaction with friends, family and even strangers or aquaintance are part and parcel of life. The ability to understand and "read" your friends intention without them telling you straight in the face is an asset. The ability to size up someone you meet for the very first time is invaluable. From their body language, the way they speak, the questions they ask. It is sometimes enough to tell you more than what can be miscommunicated through words.
This ability will make you more than a million bucks if you are in sales or in business. The ability to to size up a prospect, and learning to speak his/her language in the first 5 minutes of interaction will help tremendously in closing the deal.
The way the prospect's eye drift towards when thinking can tell you if he is an audio or visual person. The speed of his speech can tell you if he is deliberate in his thoughts or doesn't care much for details. His sitting posture can tell you if he is wasting your time or interested.
This invaluable skill can be horned with experience with your daily dealing with people and playing Poker! So start playing poker right now. There are hundreds of free site on the internet offering free poker. The easiest way is to play on facebook. That way you can play and learn the game and lose zero money. Poker in its purest form is cash games. Only this way will you learn the game properly and seriously. Even Tournaments are not its purest form. We will talk about tournament plays in another entry. I will only say one last thing:
"Let's Shuffle up and Deal!!!"
One of the movie was James Bond with Daniel Craig as 007 and the other... i can't really remember. There are many lessons you can draw from playing poker, i think everyone should play this game if not at least draw lessons from it. I am no Poker Pro but just want to share my experience after playing online poker for about a year now.
The poker game has evolved over the years and attracted many interest all around the world especially with the huge interest in the World Series of Poker (WSOP) after Chris Moneymaker an amateur won the WSOP in 2003. Everyone called it the Moneymaker effect. Chris a former accountant who earns $40k a year won 2.5 million in cold hard cash in the WSOP. It was every grown up poor man's wet dream... to put it crudely. Moneymaker delve into poker after watching Rounders, starring Matt Damon. If anyone of you is interested in Poker, you should watch it, it should at least stir some interest to play.
After the moneymaker effect, the participation in WSOP skyrocketed. Prize money for the main event in 2006 was an obscene amount of more than 12 million dollars! Jamie Gold won it that year. It was the highest ever prize money in the history of WSOP. Without further bantering, here is lesson 1.
No 1 Lesson: Read your opponents
The ability to read and understand your opponent is very important in poker. To be able to read your opponents allows you to know what hole cards they are holding. Daniel Negreanu is one of the few i seen who is able to read his opponents card so well that it sometimes it's as if he has x ray vision.
There are a few ways to do to read your opponents. One way is to look for tells. Certain action that your opponent do when he is bluffing or has a good hand i.e talk alot or start looking away from the table.
Another way is betting pattern, some players like to raise pre flop when they are bluffing and slow play when they have big hands. The way they raise, check-raise, on the turn, on the river etc.
Sometimes its just experience that allows you to read your opponent. I am sure legends like Doyle Brunson don't even have to actively think about what to do anymore. It is all automated in his mind.
Application in life:
Interaction with friends, family and even strangers or aquaintance are part and parcel of life. The ability to understand and "read" your friends intention without them telling you straight in the face is an asset. The ability to size up someone you meet for the very first time is invaluable. From their body language, the way they speak, the questions they ask. It is sometimes enough to tell you more than what can be miscommunicated through words.
This ability will make you more than a million bucks if you are in sales or in business. The ability to to size up a prospect, and learning to speak his/her language in the first 5 minutes of interaction will help tremendously in closing the deal.
The way the prospect's eye drift towards when thinking can tell you if he is an audio or visual person. The speed of his speech can tell you if he is deliberate in his thoughts or doesn't care much for details. His sitting posture can tell you if he is wasting your time or interested.
This invaluable skill can be horned with experience with your daily dealing with people and playing Poker! So start playing poker right now. There are hundreds of free site on the internet offering free poker. The easiest way is to play on facebook. That way you can play and learn the game and lose zero money. Poker in its purest form is cash games. Only this way will you learn the game properly and seriously. Even Tournaments are not its purest form. We will talk about tournament plays in another entry. I will only say one last thing:
"Let's Shuffle up and Deal!!!"
Friday, 7 March 2008
You will never walk alone
Was listening to Sarah Mclachlan's surfacing album again for the past 2 days. Every song is good. This is by far one of the best album i own. Especially like "Do what you have to do" and "Angel". Been in quite a melancholic mood lately, could be the weather, could be the haze. Could be chocolates i had yesterday during the photoshoot. I seriously don't care.
I thought the lyrics for Angel suits my mood these past few days.
"Spend all your time waiting For that second chance.
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason To feel not good enough.
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction Or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins And may be empty Oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight "
The surfacing of my flaws, my strengths and what is within me. Recently, i try to hold every thought that goes through my mind. Analysing them, why do i feel the way i feel. Why do i perceive certain things in certain light. You will be surprise how your mind tries to deceive you in certain ways sometimes.
"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Sometimes knowing what you want to do is not enough. It's the decision to want it, to do it that is paramount to the success of it.
Long time ago, a certain man caught the "Gold rush" fever in the west. He manage to find a Gold site and decided to spent his whole fortune buying the mining machine and paying miners to work for him to dig up all the gold. He thought to himself, this time i got it! Unfortunately, just after a few weeks of digging, the mine went dry. They didn't give up, and continued digging. After several weeks more of digging they still couldn't find the Gold Vein. The man decided to give up and cut his losses. He sold his machine to a man at the scrape yard and went his way. The man at the scrape yard thought to himself, since he has the machine he might as well give it a shot at digging up the gold.
He sought the help of professional surveyors to survey the mining site again. They discovered that the Gold vein was just 3 feet away from where they stopped digging! If only they have dug just 3 feet deeper... Of course the man went his way to start digging and dug his fortune out of the ground. Moral of the story? Do not give up easily, your Gold could be just 3 feet deeper. Also, seek professional help if needed. No man is an island, team effort yields greater and faster results.
The story doesn't end. Having found out about the good fortune of the man at the scrap yard. The man was even more determine to make his fortunes. Drawing strength from the last failure. He joined an insurance company selling insurance. Everytime a prospect says no to him, he remembered the Gold vein which was 3 feet away from where he stopped digging. Of all the cases he closed, more than 80% of the prospect initially said no to him. He sold million dollar polices and made it look easy. And he made his millions as well.
Moral of the story? You can fail as many times in life, but draw the painful lessons learnt and let it drive you on in life. Whatever you do in life.
It doesn't have to financially. Even in relationships. Work on it, don't just give up on it. Especially married couples. Trying to pick up a musical instrument? Don't give up on it after your fingers start feeling the pain from pressing the guitar strings.
There's always a reason to feel not good enough. But let it not stop you. Never let yourself tell you you are not good enough or inadequate. What is the worst that can happen if you fail?
This blog is meant for myself. Even as i type out every word. These are exactly what i am telling myself to do.
"Walk on, through the wind, Walk on, through the rain, Though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone,You'll never walk alone. "
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
Waiting time versus wasting time
I need to learn patience. I am someone who doesn't like to wait. Case in point, lunch time, good food means crowded. Not so good food, food served in less than 5 minutes. I will rather eat at the not so nice stall then choose the crowded bloody good food stall.
I think the year 2008 will be a very good year. It seems that God is teaching me many valuable lessons. About my finances, my career, my patience and more importantly not taking the people around me for granted.
I have been truly blessed with many good friends who cares for me. Recently i just heard from a friend that some of my ex colleagues were even asking about me if i were okay. Probably due to some of the facebook shout outs that i have been postings. It seems that my whole life i have been a pendulum. Swinging from one extreme to the other. I think i better stop swinging b4 i hit the big 3...
I am truly learning to wait, waiting on Him to show me more. I want to do more with my life, i ain't going to waste it staying in my comfort zone and waiting for my life to pass me by. God, don't let that happen to me.
A former manager from my work place years ago told me, if the cow doesn't want to drink there is no way you can force him to do so. I don't want to be that cow. Make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still waters, i am willing... i am willing.
I think the year 2008 will be a very good year. It seems that God is teaching me many valuable lessons. About my finances, my career, my patience and more importantly not taking the people around me for granted.
I have been truly blessed with many good friends who cares for me. Recently i just heard from a friend that some of my ex colleagues were even asking about me if i were okay. Probably due to some of the facebook shout outs that i have been postings. It seems that my whole life i have been a pendulum. Swinging from one extreme to the other. I think i better stop swinging b4 i hit the big 3...
I am truly learning to wait, waiting on Him to show me more. I want to do more with my life, i ain't going to waste it staying in my comfort zone and waiting for my life to pass me by. God, don't let that happen to me.
A former manager from my work place years ago told me, if the cow doesn't want to drink there is no way you can force him to do so. I don't want to be that cow. Make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still waters, i am willing... i am willing.
Friday, 22 February 2008
Rahver unveiled
Rahver, 28 years old, young, good looking, driven and drives a red car. If you are wondering if I am Rahver, i am not... Rahver is a fiction of someone's imagination.
Rahver is the imagination of a 7 year old girl (Freya is 7 right?) She has an imaginary boyfriend age 28 and drives a red car. I wonder if Rahver ever does grow old. Is he always 28? If he is, i will not qualify to be Rahver this year in April. I will be 29....
I can only imagine what kind of family background Rahver came from....
Rahver must be Australian, since Freya is living there. Since he is 28 years old and dating a 7 year old kid. I assume he must have had a really bad relationship previously.
I am guessing the previous girlfriend totally hurt him. Spat on him and step all over him with her stillettos. He was not only hurt emotionally by Miss Ex. but also physically abused. That explains why he wants to date someone who is of smaller built.
Rahver tries very hard... after the break up with Miss Ex. He wants to prove that he has the ability to move on and live a better life without her. He wanted to get a flashy red sports car but could only afford an old second hand car.
Okay, so Rahver looks like a kid. That also explains why Miss Ex. could easily step all over him and spit on him. So i wish Rahver and Freya the best in the future, apparently, age is not an issue to these 2 love birds. Probably they can marry each other when Freya is 18. Rahver will be 39 and look like a kid.
Rahver is the imagination of a 7 year old girl (Freya is 7 right?) She has an imaginary boyfriend age 28 and drives a red car. I wonder if Rahver ever does grow old. Is he always 28? If he is, i will not qualify to be Rahver this year in April. I will be 29....
I can only imagine what kind of family background Rahver came from....
Rahver must be Australian, since Freya is living there. Since he is 28 years old and dating a 7 year old kid. I assume he must have had a really bad relationship previously.
I am guessing the previous girlfriend totally hurt him. Spat on him and step all over him with her stillettos. He was not only hurt emotionally by Miss Ex. but also physically abused. That explains why he wants to date someone who is of smaller built.
Rahver tries very hard... after the break up with Miss Ex. He wants to prove that he has the ability to move on and live a better life without her. He wanted to get a flashy red sports car but could only afford an old second hand car.
Okay, so Rahver looks like a kid. That also explains why Miss Ex. could easily step all over him and spit on him. So i wish Rahver and Freya the best in the future, apparently, age is not an issue to these 2 love birds. Probably they can marry each other when Freya is 18. Rahver will be 39 and look like a kid.
Monday, 18 February 2008
How far can you slide
Call me a sadist. But its comforting to know that i am not the only one struggling with my spirituality. I have been a christian for 15 years now, i believe that there is no such thing as an on and off christian. Either you are or you are not. And if you are, God will always be in your life. Like it or not. I choose to like it.
It is liken to the fact that your parents will always be your parents, you are related by blood and that can never change. (Through Jesus' blood) And because you are related, your destiny will be very different fron the rest of the world who have never experience God before.
Your life will be shaped very differently. If you pay attention to what is happening around you, you will notice that there seemed to be someone bigger controlling your everyday situation be it your family life or your work life. In a very good way of course. But mind you not always in a way you think its good. Those who have truly experience God as a person and not as a religion will understand where i am coming from.
I have experience God in that way, but that didn't stop me from going out of my way to prove that there is a path beyond God. Subconsciously, i wanted to slide. I wanted to be someone i am not and then i succeeded. I became that person that i thought i was. Its wierd that the slide is so gradual that when you realise that you are at the bottom you just accept the fact that you are a backslidden christian. You admit and you don't hide it. In fact, you live with it.
I constantly struggle with my beliefs. To hold on to it or not. To give up or not. There are many things in my life that i have given up on. Battles i have quitted even before it was fought. But this is one battle i will not stop fighting. As much as i struggle, as much as i am torn apart within me. I will not give up without a fight. I will hold on, and i will not deny Him.
There are many wrong decisons that i have made in my life. Decisions that i know will always be regretted. But i know that the one decison that i made 15 years ago made all my wrong decisons right. All my bad decisons good. He right my wrong and made good my bad.
Folks, Its all about Him, its all about Jesus. Never for a moment think that its about you. The beauty of this is this, When its all about Him, It is actually all about you. There is no denying Him of His love for you.
I will not be perfect in my ways, but He will be Perfect in me. How far can you slide? You will be surprise to know that no matter how far you have slidden, He is still right beside you.
It is liken to the fact that your parents will always be your parents, you are related by blood and that can never change. (Through Jesus' blood) And because you are related, your destiny will be very different fron the rest of the world who have never experience God before.
Your life will be shaped very differently. If you pay attention to what is happening around you, you will notice that there seemed to be someone bigger controlling your everyday situation be it your family life or your work life. In a very good way of course. But mind you not always in a way you think its good. Those who have truly experience God as a person and not as a religion will understand where i am coming from.
I have experience God in that way, but that didn't stop me from going out of my way to prove that there is a path beyond God. Subconsciously, i wanted to slide. I wanted to be someone i am not and then i succeeded. I became that person that i thought i was. Its wierd that the slide is so gradual that when you realise that you are at the bottom you just accept the fact that you are a backslidden christian. You admit and you don't hide it. In fact, you live with it.
I constantly struggle with my beliefs. To hold on to it or not. To give up or not. There are many things in my life that i have given up on. Battles i have quitted even before it was fought. But this is one battle i will not stop fighting. As much as i struggle, as much as i am torn apart within me. I will not give up without a fight. I will hold on, and i will not deny Him.
There are many wrong decisons that i have made in my life. Decisions that i know will always be regretted. But i know that the one decison that i made 15 years ago made all my wrong decisons right. All my bad decisons good. He right my wrong and made good my bad.
Folks, Its all about Him, its all about Jesus. Never for a moment think that its about you. The beauty of this is this, When its all about Him, It is actually all about you. There is no denying Him of His love for you.
I will not be perfect in my ways, but He will be Perfect in me. How far can you slide? You will be surprise to know that no matter how far you have slidden, He is still right beside you.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Tis the season to be lonely
Ahhh... Valentine's day! A season to love and be loved. A time to show your love on this special day to show how deep your pockets are...
A bouquet of 36 Red roses----$355/-
A romantic ride on the Singapore Flyer----$399/-
Special V day package at the Ritz Carlton---$12,000/-
N0t having a date to spend the money on ---- priceless...
For anything else, there is a bunch of banana i can chew on at home.
Well not exactly priceless but a savings of $12,754/-
I like to look on the bright side.
Its strange that my horoscope says that my love life will be full of colour this year and it will be good to consumate my marriage this year. Not that i believe in horoscope but its interesting that it is mentioning things that are entirely not true. My love life is zero and as much as i want to do some consumation, there is no one to do it with. Anyone who wants to consumate with me do let me know... but i digress.
Happy V day to all the happy couples out there... break up and don't waste each other's time for all those not so happy couples out there! As Fish sings:"Fen Shou Kuai le"
A bouquet of 36 Red roses----$355/-
A romantic ride on the Singapore Flyer----$399/-
Special V day package at the Ritz Carlton---$12,000/-
N0t having a date to spend the money on ---- priceless...
For anything else, there is a bunch of banana i can chew on at home.
Well not exactly priceless but a savings of $12,754/-
I like to look on the bright side.
Its strange that my horoscope says that my love life will be full of colour this year and it will be good to consumate my marriage this year. Not that i believe in horoscope but its interesting that it is mentioning things that are entirely not true. My love life is zero and as much as i want to do some consumation, there is no one to do it with. Anyone who wants to consumate with me do let me know... but i digress.
Happy V day to all the happy couples out there... break up and don't waste each other's time for all those not so happy couples out there! As Fish sings:"Fen Shou Kuai le"
Tuesday, 5 February 2008
Four weddings and no funeral please!
2008 proves to be yet another year of many wedding bells ringing. My closer friends seem to be eagarly ringing the bell one by one. To date, i already know of 4 weddings that will be happening this year.
My dear friends, if you are contemplating to get married this year, don't! 4 weddings is as much as this guy can take for a year. That averages out to once every quarter. As much as i want to bear witness to the happiest day in your life, 4 weddings is alot. It is like a investing in a stock of a company and reading the financial report every quarterly. Only this company invites you for dinner and ask that you invest more in the form of Hong Bao! Okay, i am kidding, all the weddings that i will be invited to, i gladly give. I gladly sing too if you will have me.
So congrats to all my friends who are getting married, you know who you are. And those who are not getting married yet, you have more than a year to plan till 2009. Have your wedding dinner and photos taken at the new IR or something. Keep yourself occupied with F1 racing meanwhile. This town is getting hot and happening isn't it? So hold your horses guys and gals, keep the funerals at bay and leave the weddings till 2009.
What God put together let no man put asunder.
My dear friends, if you are contemplating to get married this year, don't! 4 weddings is as much as this guy can take for a year. That averages out to once every quarter. As much as i want to bear witness to the happiest day in your life, 4 weddings is alot. It is like a investing in a stock of a company and reading the financial report every quarterly. Only this company invites you for dinner and ask that you invest more in the form of Hong Bao! Okay, i am kidding, all the weddings that i will be invited to, i gladly give. I gladly sing too if you will have me.
So congrats to all my friends who are getting married, you know who you are. And those who are not getting married yet, you have more than a year to plan till 2009. Have your wedding dinner and photos taken at the new IR or something. Keep yourself occupied with F1 racing meanwhile. This town is getting hot and happening isn't it? So hold your horses guys and gals, keep the funerals at bay and leave the weddings till 2009.
What God put together let no man put asunder.
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
Stock take
It is easier to count the material things you don't have in life then the things you have. So I have come up with a list of i don'ts:
1) I don't have an Audi TT for my car
2) I don't have a house in Bukit Timah Sixth avenue.
3) I don't have any money left in the bank at the end of every month.
4) I don't have a job that pays me obscene amount of money and 2 digit bonuses (at least 10 months) at the end of the year
5) I don't have a killer scupltured body that is the envy of all mankind.
I can continue the list till the list reaches 100, but i will not indulge myself. There are many things in life that you may lack.
Material lack is the absence of something. You will only lack when you have the knowledge of the "thing" in the first place. How much emotions will this item stir within you determine the so called "passion" you have to get it and that is the reason why passion differs from person to person.
So does lack create a desire or do your desires find a lack in your life? Its all about perception. Your perception becomes your reality. Yours alone. You shape the wants and desires in your life. What motivates you. What drives you. Some see money as the means to lead a good life and others see it as a means to get by and support their family. I see my Audi TT as a luxury but there may be someone out there who will die for it as it is beyond luxury but a sense of achievement.
So what shapes your perception? What goes in must come out. What you feed your mind will determine what will come out of it. Your wants, your ideas, your visions. So i say watch what you eat, and i mean both physically and mentally. Thats why the good book says, Faith comes from hearing and hearing the Word of God. And without faith it is impossible to please God. What are you feeding yourself today?
1) I don't have an Audi TT for my car
2) I don't have a house in Bukit Timah Sixth avenue.
3) I don't have any money left in the bank at the end of every month.
4) I don't have a job that pays me obscene amount of money and 2 digit bonuses (at least 10 months) at the end of the year
5) I don't have a killer scupltured body that is the envy of all mankind.
I can continue the list till the list reaches 100, but i will not indulge myself. There are many things in life that you may lack.
Material lack is the absence of something. You will only lack when you have the knowledge of the "thing" in the first place. How much emotions will this item stir within you determine the so called "passion" you have to get it and that is the reason why passion differs from person to person.
So does lack create a desire or do your desires find a lack in your life? Its all about perception. Your perception becomes your reality. Yours alone. You shape the wants and desires in your life. What motivates you. What drives you. Some see money as the means to lead a good life and others see it as a means to get by and support their family. I see my Audi TT as a luxury but there may be someone out there who will die for it as it is beyond luxury but a sense of achievement.
So what shapes your perception? What goes in must come out. What you feed your mind will determine what will come out of it. Your wants, your ideas, your visions. So i say watch what you eat, and i mean both physically and mentally. Thats why the good book says, Faith comes from hearing and hearing the Word of God. And without faith it is impossible to please God. What are you feeding yourself today?
Friday, 25 January 2008
Keep it light hearted
Just yesterday i was told by one of my friend to start blogging something more light hearted rather than expound on deep thoughts and irrational and disgusting human behaviour. Behaviours that are displayed by human specimens such as myself that seems unacceptable in her eyes.
Although she thinks that i am gay and full of myself, i shall comply and blog on more light hearted topics. She happens to be a long time friend of mine so i will not record her name in my little black book and reveal who she is ... oops did i just reveal her gender... oh and btw her name sounds like a genre of music.... no i don't have a friend name pop.... think Diana Krall. Yes yes and she has a stupid dog at home as well and she gets on everyones nerve once in a while. In fact she has 2 dogs...
Back to my point, let me try blogging about my day... hmmm lets see, i had a chicken leg for lunch covered with some herb sauce at ikea... i was having lunch with my twin sister and someone from the media. Very interestingly, she had a niece 5 years old who has an imaginary boyfren call Raver who is 28 years old and drives a light red car... its pretty weird for a kid to conjure up an imaginary boyfren like that don't you think. I had 2 cups of coffee with 2 packs of sugar. I didn't shop at Ikea after that and went straight to my appointment at Fullerton. The weather was hot with temperature at a high of 32 degress.
Light hearted enough.
Okay, lets face it. I can't blog light hearted stuff and i am not a blogger who blogs about my everyday life. Who needs to know anyway. In the famous words of Frank Sinatra... i did it my way!
Although she thinks that i am gay and full of myself, i shall comply and blog on more light hearted topics. She happens to be a long time friend of mine so i will not record her name in my little black book and reveal who she is ... oops did i just reveal her gender... oh and btw her name sounds like a genre of music.... no i don't have a friend name pop.... think Diana Krall. Yes yes and she has a stupid dog at home as well and she gets on everyones nerve once in a while. In fact she has 2 dogs...
Back to my point, let me try blogging about my day... hmmm lets see, i had a chicken leg for lunch covered with some herb sauce at ikea... i was having lunch with my twin sister and someone from the media. Very interestingly, she had a niece 5 years old who has an imaginary boyfren call Raver who is 28 years old and drives a light red car... its pretty weird for a kid to conjure up an imaginary boyfren like that don't you think. I had 2 cups of coffee with 2 packs of sugar. I didn't shop at Ikea after that and went straight to my appointment at Fullerton. The weather was hot with temperature at a high of 32 degress.
Light hearted enough.
Okay, lets face it. I can't blog light hearted stuff and i am not a blogger who blogs about my everyday life. Who needs to know anyway. In the famous words of Frank Sinatra... i did it my way!
Saturday, 12 January 2008
The age of innocence
At what age does the human heart become corrupted? How does one start to learnt about sex, lies and videotapes? There are various sources now that allows the human mind to see things that ten years ago does not exist. You can almost find anything on the internet nowadays, paid or not.
Let's pick a sensitive topic, Sex for example.
*Disclaimer: Although what i am about to say is highly educational, but if you are 18years and below. Please refrain from reading on.
How does a kid in Singapore find out about sex? I don't think they teach about the birds and the bees in schools. Correct me if i 'm wrong. For a guy, sex education is not an issue. Our "curiosity" aka hormones will drive us to find out all about these "birds" and "bees". In fact, we take it a step further, we will even explore the size in different scenarios and positions... you get the picture.
Now comes the question, how do the girls find out about sex? Is it through the guys that the girls find out? Or do girls just sit in circle during a slumber party and start to show each other their body parts for the sake of discussion? No, wait... thats a scene from some movie i saw last night on my computer...
What prompted me to question is the fact that i had a very interesting conversation with a couple of my friends about self pleasuring for girls. Don't ask me how the conversation got to that, and no we were not high.
Interesting enough, one of my friend have not even seen an explicit sex scene (aka soft/hardcore porn) until recently, and she was totally turn off by it. The other friend was actually turn off by the fact that women actually pleasure themselves with tools or no tools. I know it sounds totally wrong, but i tried to convince them that it is totally normal and it is pleasurable for women most of the time. Not that i want them to learnt it from me...
Both of them were not convinced. One of them even swear that if their husband in the future (now boyfriend) try to stick anything in them after they are married, they will surely find their body parts missing while they are asleep.
Although it seems unbelievable that alot of girls are not sex educated, not that i have an advance degree in sex education to begin with, but i think its true.
It seems that no one talks about it. Come to think of it, maybe its better this way, what you don't know, wouldn't hurt you, literally. I am actually proud of my 2 friends, thay have maintain their innocence in this area, and the men who will marry them in the future are truly blessed. I have two word of advice for these guys though... Metal Underwear!
Let's pick a sensitive topic, Sex for example.
*Disclaimer: Although what i am about to say is highly educational, but if you are 18years and below. Please refrain from reading on.
How does a kid in Singapore find out about sex? I don't think they teach about the birds and the bees in schools. Correct me if i 'm wrong. For a guy, sex education is not an issue. Our "curiosity" aka hormones will drive us to find out all about these "birds" and "bees". In fact, we take it a step further, we will even explore the size in different scenarios and positions... you get the picture.
Now comes the question, how do the girls find out about sex? Is it through the guys that the girls find out? Or do girls just sit in circle during a slumber party and start to show each other their body parts for the sake of discussion? No, wait... thats a scene from some movie i saw last night on my computer...
What prompted me to question is the fact that i had a very interesting conversation with a couple of my friends about self pleasuring for girls. Don't ask me how the conversation got to that, and no we were not high.
Interesting enough, one of my friend have not even seen an explicit sex scene (aka soft/hardcore porn) until recently, and she was totally turn off by it. The other friend was actually turn off by the fact that women actually pleasure themselves with tools or no tools. I know it sounds totally wrong, but i tried to convince them that it is totally normal and it is pleasurable for women most of the time. Not that i want them to learnt it from me...
Both of them were not convinced. One of them even swear that if their husband in the future (now boyfriend) try to stick anything in them after they are married, they will surely find their body parts missing while they are asleep.
Although it seems unbelievable that alot of girls are not sex educated, not that i have an advance degree in sex education to begin with, but i think its true.
It seems that no one talks about it. Come to think of it, maybe its better this way, what you don't know, wouldn't hurt you, literally. I am actually proud of my 2 friends, thay have maintain their innocence in this area, and the men who will marry them in the future are truly blessed. I have two word of advice for these guys though... Metal Underwear!
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
Enough is enough!
Satisfaction in life comes in many shape and form. Most of the time, we feel that nothing is enough in life. You realise that you don't have enough in the bank. You realise that you are always hungry and never enough to eat (i speak only for myself) A car is not enough, you need a super car. A HDB flat is not enough, you need one of those houses in Bukit Timah, those fully detached ones.
The culture we live in has evolved over the years. Our society teaches us that we have to have that drive and hunger to want "it". Anything less than that is a laid back attitude that shouldn't be advocated. We learn to push ourselves hard and achieve. Believe me, there is nothing wrong with that, infact that attitude is the right attitude if that is what you want out of life.
The fact of the matter is, if "it" is what you want. Go all out and achieve "it". Whatever "it" means to you. The most important thing is that "it" has to be what you truly want and not what society imposes on you. Everybody wants to be rich. Well, most people i know wouldn't mind that. But how many people actually really want to be rich.
If money doesn't motivate you enough to do something about it, being rich is not what you really want. The question to ask yourself is, how badly do you want that money in the bank. The answer is not as straight forward as you think it is. We want what money can buy us and not money itself. Money is a means to an end and not the end itself.
We have been educated since young (at least i have) that money can get you many things if not everything. My mother always taught me that i should concentrate on earning money, lots of it before thinking about girlfriend or getting married etc. Once i have that in place girls will flock to me. (That's what she taught me, she also taught me that i need to learn how to drink and gamble) Although there is some truth in it but is that what you really want? The answer once again is not as straightforward as you think it is. Money does provide certain sense of security but it cannot be everything.
Truth be told, everyone don't mind the money but majority wouldn't break their back trying. Money is just a case in point. It could be career advancement that motivates you. You spent your 24/7 to get into a position of power, some are motivated by family. As long as the family is taken care of, they will go all out to ensure that.
With that in mind, know what motivates you. Use that to be a better person. Make a difference in the lives of the people around you. I am still looking for that something that drives me. All is unclear and i seem to be looking through a dim glass but i am sure it will be clear very soon. Sooner than i think it will be.
The culture we live in has evolved over the years. Our society teaches us that we have to have that drive and hunger to want "it". Anything less than that is a laid back attitude that shouldn't be advocated. We learn to push ourselves hard and achieve. Believe me, there is nothing wrong with that, infact that attitude is the right attitude if that is what you want out of life.
The fact of the matter is, if "it" is what you want. Go all out and achieve "it". Whatever "it" means to you. The most important thing is that "it" has to be what you truly want and not what society imposes on you. Everybody wants to be rich. Well, most people i know wouldn't mind that. But how many people actually really want to be rich.
If money doesn't motivate you enough to do something about it, being rich is not what you really want. The question to ask yourself is, how badly do you want that money in the bank. The answer is not as straight forward as you think it is. We want what money can buy us and not money itself. Money is a means to an end and not the end itself.
We have been educated since young (at least i have) that money can get you many things if not everything. My mother always taught me that i should concentrate on earning money, lots of it before thinking about girlfriend or getting married etc. Once i have that in place girls will flock to me. (That's what she taught me, she also taught me that i need to learn how to drink and gamble) Although there is some truth in it but is that what you really want? The answer once again is not as straightforward as you think it is. Money does provide certain sense of security but it cannot be everything.
Truth be told, everyone don't mind the money but majority wouldn't break their back trying. Money is just a case in point. It could be career advancement that motivates you. You spent your 24/7 to get into a position of power, some are motivated by family. As long as the family is taken care of, they will go all out to ensure that.
With that in mind, know what motivates you. Use that to be a better person. Make a difference in the lives of the people around you. I am still looking for that something that drives me. All is unclear and i seem to be looking through a dim glass but i am sure it will be clear very soon. Sooner than i think it will be.
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Top 10 Resolutions for 2008
i figured, heck why not... the challenge is when will these resolutions come undone:
1. Quit Drinking. (Maybe a little occasionally, if its worth it.)
2. Quit Gambling. (Lets wait and see after CNY)
3. Quit Procrastinating. (It took me 3 days after NY2008 to come up with list, not too bad by
my standards)
4. Lose the 10 kg of weight gained in 2007.
5. Pass my IPPT in April and maintain at least silver award level of fitness.
6. Clear all debts by end 2008.
7. Spend more time with Mum.
8. Spend time with friends that matters and not being a man whore.
9. Attend church every week and being an hour late doesn't count as attending.
10. Start serving in the church.
There you go, easy and painless. Next list: Top 10 broken 2008 resolutions... coming to a blog near you.
1. Quit Drinking. (Maybe a little occasionally, if its worth it.)
2. Quit Gambling. (Lets wait and see after CNY)
3. Quit Procrastinating. (It took me 3 days after NY2008 to come up with list, not too bad by
my standards)
4. Lose the 10 kg of weight gained in 2007.
5. Pass my IPPT in April and maintain at least silver award level of fitness.
6. Clear all debts by end 2008.
7. Spend more time with Mum.
8. Spend time with friends that matters and not being a man whore.
9. Attend church every week and being an hour late doesn't count as attending.
10. Start serving in the church.
There you go, easy and painless. Next list: Top 10 broken 2008 resolutions... coming to a blog near you.
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