Monday 9 February 2009

Year of the Ox

In December last year, my father was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had to undergo an emergency surgery to remove the tumor which was causing blockage in his colon. The doctor professed that he has not seen such a hugh tumor in a long while. Were we supposed to be comforted by that?

At that time, i could still tell myself life still goes on pretty much, my Dad has lived a a fruitful life of 75 years with many children, the cancer cell was pretty much localized and under control at stage 3, not the end of the world pretty much. All we wanted for him was that he will be happy and resting at home enjoying his retirement finally. I was more worried for my mother who seem strong on the outside but i can be sure she wasn't feeling too good inside.

On the 2nd day of new year, we had to rush him back to the hospital as he was feeling alot of discomfort with passing motion through the bag. The good news was that these discomforts were normal according to the doctor after the sugery. A week later he was discharge.

Right before the discharge, my 2nd brother broke the news to us that the doctor has confirmed that he has nose cancer pending further tests to confirm the status of the cancer cells. As i was sitting in the foodcourt as SGH with my mother, i tried comforting her that everything is going to be alright. I could tell that she was holding back her tears, the crowded foodcourt didn't managed to drown out the sound of her voice and i can still remember what she said that day. She question why all her life she had to endure so many hardships and good things never seem to fall upon her. I wish i could do more to comfort her but i could do was to tell her that she still had 2 healthy sons in the family, my elder brother and myself.

I question myself what have i really done for her all my life. Sadly, i couldn't answer that question.

Today, the doctor confirmed that my brother is in stage 4 of nose cancer, it is a pretty late stage. To top things off, he is diabetic. More scans will be done to see if the cancer cells has spread to the other organs. The doctor recommend radio and chemo therapy for him. Which means he will not be able to work for the next 6 months.

For now, i just want to spend time with my mother and brother and make sure that i can do everything within my means to make it easier for the family. Everything seems so surreal. The wierd thing is that there is not really sadness within me now. It is more of a realization that i cannot be sad especially in front of my family. Life has to go on. Life must go on.

Guess i will have to look for another job that pays better now. All my impractical dreams may have to left on the shelf for the time being. The job market is bad, more layoffs are happening all around us. I only pray that God will show mercy and let my family finally have some good news for the remaining year of the Ox.