Basking in past glories

The first part of most if not all christian service is praise and worship, and every time the worship is ongoing and you are singing and worshiping, what goes through your mind?

For the longest time a certain scene kept flashing through my mind for some reason that i never could put my finger on.

The particular scene was the bus interchange in Toa Payoh many years ago before the whole place was air conditioned. That particular time frame was when i was still in secondary school. I can tell because it was alway zoomed in on the bus berth for Bus 142, right opposite the 7 eleven with the mama shop right behind. For those who were ex saints know it well, that was the only bus that travels directly to our secondary school. I never knew what God was trying to say to me until last wednesday during the Healing and financial seminar.

In the midst of the service it became clear to me that for the longest time i was depending on past experiences with God to sustain my faith and beliefs. Past experiences are great only if they propel you forward in search of new ones that God has in store for us.

For the longest time i have kept God in a small little box in the corner of my head. I thought that this was it, all the past 16 years of being a christian with its ups and downs, trials and temptations is what God is all about, nothing more... maybe less. I was puting God in a box so small that i was limiting His power in my life.

Lunch with Charles took longer than expected so i didn't make it for third service though i did make it for the last service.

It was a powerful message, simple but powerful. If we can look at our lives and see some of the challenges that we are facing, this will probably be the area that God wants to strengthen us.

All things work for the good of those who love God who were called according to His
purpose.

Do we truly believe that? If we do. our mindset should change radically when we face the challenges in our lives. We should be able to do as Paul did. That is to rejoice in His trials because that is the area that God has His superabounding grace to wrap us in. That is the area in our lives that God wants to place more responsiblility with us and that is our training ground.

Sometimes we ask ourselves, after some many years why the hell am i experiencing the same thing for crying out loud?!?!? It probably meant that we have not learnt the lesson well. God is not interested to sooth your pain as much as He is interested to heal your heart by healing the root cause of it.

God wants to mould and change us by getting to the root cause. I use to think it is about digging up the past and finding out what went wrong in my childhood and whatsoever. Yes, this may help me identify what caused my insecurities when it comes to relationship, with my parents, brothers and even my friends. Why i do certain things to pissed people off especially those who are close to me. But this will not heal or cure me and make me stop doing what i am doing. Knowing that God accepts me and loves me despite all my flaws will change my heart and ultimately free me. Being without and not understanding God's love for us is the root cause of all problems.

I believe that this is the message of the cross, of how Jesus chose to hang on the cross so that the undeserving can receive forgiveness no matter what we have done wrong in our lives. The only reason why we cannot receive this free gift of Grace is when we believe that we can earn salvation by our own strength and works, in short self righteousness.

How wrong can we be? I have spent the last 16 years believing that i have to live my life right in order to draw near to Jesus and believing that one day i will conquer all my weaknesses and attain holiness, how wrong was I?

God meant for us to draw near to Christ and know that nothing we can do will make us pure and righteous but only through Christ. And when we reach the end of ourselves then will we understand and begin to fathom the depth of our Father's love for us.

Right believing will bring about right living. Whereas Right living will not give you right beliefs

The recession is from within

I have not have the best of time during this week. Over the weekend, my brother blacked out in the toilet and we had to call for the ambulance to send hm to the nearest hospital. It was pretty traumatizing as thoughts that he may not wake up again flashed in mind. The worried look on my mother's didn't helped either. Finally we managed to get him to the hospital at around noon after several ECG and scans the doctor confirmed that he was alright and we left the hospital around 5pm in the evening.

Today my mother just told me that my brother had to take no pay leave for 2 months as he was on medical leave after the blackout saga. Which means he will be without income for 2 months. Life goes on and expenses has to go on as well...

I was in orchard road to meet Mrs Lum today, she noticed the same thing as me. Recession? what recession? The LV and the Montblanc and all the branded stores in Ngee ann city are packed! Hour glass Dior Burberry all packed with people. Yes it is the GSS but it is still the recession right?

At least i know that the recession in my home is real. I try to stay at home and minimize my trips out unless very necessary. I have also stopped driving to minimize the fuel cost and parking charges. I am waiting for God's blessing to pur out to bring me out of this stage of my life. May the blessings of Abraham be upon me soon.