Life has been good to me

Life has been good to me. I would like to think so... I have put on more than 10 kg around my waist, i am sure if i was on Titanic, I would have survived with the 10 kg of fats keeping me afloat and burning to keep me warmth till all the ice berg melted.
The fact of the matter is, i don't mind being called Telly Tubby but it irks me that my clothes are not fitting anymore and the first thing people ever say to me after seeing me on the streets or in the toilet next to the bloody urinal is:"You put on weight huh? Life must have been good to you."
Who the hell dictates that increase in body Fat = 7th heaven happiness?!? Here i am worrying about buying new clothes and there u r laughing and smiling at my "Italy" (Reads Yi Da Li in chinese meaning one pack instead of six packs) I could have been eating myself silly because i was depressed and on the verge of suicide and people just have to rub it in. Bloody makes no sense.
Some friends are nice enough to say that its a good thing that i have put on weight cuz it makes me look older and more mature. (Thanks Glad!) The happiest person was my mum who felt so proud that her cooking must have improved and that she has succeeded in making me gouge on her home cook dinners. (Not true, i am hardly home for dinner)
Let me clarify, Life has not been a bed of roses for me. Even if it was, roses are full of thorns, who came up with this "Bed of roses" thing anyway? Work has been shit cuz i was down for 3 weeks due to reservist and training and the clock doesn't stop because u are gone.
My love life hasn't really.... wait a minute... I have no love life! Arrghhh.... that explains why my weekends r just like weekdays.
Well anyways, I just can't wait for my Christmas issue to hit the news stand. That would mean that Christmas is just round the corner, another sell out issue i pray.
Last but not least, i am hitting the gym now. Although its way overdue cuz i promise Impact that i am suppose to recover to my former self in 1 month (since July... alas i lied) Well i can't get any assignment anyway, now that i am working for a media owner. Least i get screwed by my boss.
I think i will buy a plain t shirt and draw a rectangle on the front of the shirt at my tummy area, that way people will think i am really Telly Tubby and i am paid to look the way i look. Bloody senseless.