New lease of blog

Just transferred all my postings from my friendster blog over to blogspot. Think this will be a better place to host my blogs from now on. Hopefully this will also mark a new beginning in my life as well. Makes me feel like an Indian though, since Deepavali is just tomorrow, Isn't Deepavali kindof like New Year for Indians. (Lunar new yr for chinese, Hari Raya for Muslims? Duh!) New Year new beginning?!?!

So many things has been happening that makes me feel like my life is spiralling out of control. My family, my work, my personal life. My decision to stay put in Singapore and not move to Macau has many implications which i shall not go into details in such a public blog. My Mother's health is one of the factor that made up my mind.

I have spoken to many close friends about my situation and why i have come to such a decision. The thing about sharing and asking for opinions is that everyone has their own point of view and different experiences that makes them come to their own conclusion. What you have to do is to flilter such "advices" and extract the crux of it and come to your own conclusion. Most important of all, make a decision.

To come to a decision you will need to visualise the end result in your mind (ala 7 habits of highly effective people) Once you know you can live with the result, balancing all the pros and cons, risk and rewards, put your foot down and say, i have decided and this is what i want to do. Mind you, this will not be easy to do, that is being unwaivering in your decision. Many people will start telling you their point of views and why you shouldn't do this and why shouldn't do that. At one point i was very sure that i was going to Macau for at least 1 year. Look at me now, i am very sure that i am not moving to Macau, but this time i have very substantial reasons why i am not moving there.

I never knew myself as much as i have in the past year. All the experiences i have garnered was all worth the sacrifices and shit i went through. I realise what i can do and what i cannot do. I realise what i can excel in and what i can do just averagely. I understand what is most important to me versus what is just good for me. My weaknesses versus my strengths. My confidence versus the lack of self esteem. How i view myself and how others view me. This wilderness experience has taken me walking round and round for too long. I have been in the wilderness for more than 10 years now. God, isn't it time to move into the promise land?!?

"'I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!'"

Whats' love got to do with it?

Recently i had a very interesting conversation with a friend about breakups. It got me thinking about how okay is it to be still friends with your ex. after the breakup? Isn't it a little weird that someone who use to be so close to you suddenly becomes just a friend?
I use to be a firm believer that it is possible. Not anymore actually, it actually feels kind of strange to see your ex. as a friend. Especially seeing your ex. with someone new. It feels like listening to your own voice after recording it, damn bloody stupid and weird!
I mean i am happy that she has moved on but it feels very uncomfortable. Imagine meeting both of them and having to small talk. The conversation might go something like "Hey how are you?" "Great we are doing fine?" You carefully avoid topics that will reveal you were once close, so you moved on to very generic questions about work? recreational topics etc. How painful is that? Its like sitting through dinner with fear factor on tv, bull testicles in your face and pig urine poured over your head. Totally nauseating.
Btw i am imagining all this in my head, not that all these things actually happened. I could do what my friend did which was to totally shut the person out of her life and just remain as "hi and bye" friends (which means you are actually not a friend), block her out of msn and avoid places that you know she will be there.
I was thinking that i might be sub consiously doing all these things. Actually it started off with me trying to find her as i was not not over the relationship myself. Then as time goes by, with my friends making it easier for me to get over it. i started to avoid going to places she goes to, meeting with mutual friends. All these i learn only on hindsight.
Well i think generally life has been good to me still. Although my life is not perfect, i wish i have been attending church more regularly, my current credit card bills are at a "too high" level, while my pay is not. My investments are doing badly... my cherry QQ has been throwing tantrums and cost me a mini fortune to make him happy again.
Through it all, i am just glad that i have friends around me who have shown support whenever they can, keeping me company and most importantly their life sucks just like mine! Rawt Onnnn!!!! The imperfection of life is perfect for living! Most importantly, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses!

Don't just bitch about it

The typical Singaporean trait that we've all grown to accept are characteristics like Kiasu, Kiasee, kia this and kia that. We bitch about how S'porean drivers don't signal when they change lane, don't give way to others, horn at almost anything that moves (or don't move). We bitch about how S'porean's complain about the government, about raising taxes, bus fares and petrol prices.
Notice that when we say "typical Singaporeans" we mean the other Singaporeans, its never "us". It's the "others".... Wooooo spooky. Who are these others??? Are you Singaporean???
These same Singaporeans that cut your lane, speed up when you are signalling to change lane could be doing the same thing complaining to their friend about the driver who signal for the longest time but didn't change lane, "Kayu driver", they bitched.
"Why do you see the speck of dust in your brother's eye and not the plank in your own eyes?". This was what my secondary school teacher tried to impart to my class more than a decade ago. Weird that i still remember what she said but not how she looked like.
I think its right that we bitched about certain things. The rule is that only bitch about things you are sure you don't commit yourself. If you do the same things and bitch about others you are classified as hypocritical. Its like my last trip to Macau, when "some people" cut my queue and started to shout at others who cut the queues after them. It is as if they have the first right of refusal, first to cut the queues have the first rights and "nope, one cut per queue only". Find your own queue to cut somewhere else.
I am also guilty of bitching and guilty of not giving way to other drivers sometime. When i am told to buy 2 bottle of drinks for a house party, i buy 4 bottles (Kia-su) When i received a parking fine reminder (red colour) i immediately write in to appeal my fine (Kia-see). When i was taken a longer route by the taxi driver and was charge 50 cents more than the usual fare, i refused to pay extra. (Kia- taken advantage of)
The Singapore government should make my Car the official car for Singapore since our neighbour up north has their own car as well. Guess what car i am driving? Make an intelligent guess...

Closet Paris Fan

I just realise that by posting this i am no longer a "closet" Paris Fan. Heck... might as well just come out of the closet and declare to the world that i am. The next time i am going to K Garden in Serangoon Gardens i will sing Stars are blind. Mind you, i can sing in a falsetto pretty well and put many girls to shame. Then again i shouldn't be proud of this at all. As it is, many who don't know me are already wondering if i belong to the clubs along tanjong pagar. Arrghhhh!!! Screw sexual identity!
Back to the Heiress. I think there are many things we can learn from this seemingly dumb blond. For starters, i am beginning to suspect that she leaked her sex tape out on purpose. She is probably sitting in a board room now surrounded by her advisers plotting her next move to bring her to legendary dumb blond status.
She has the drive to succeed no matter what the circumstances. She wasn't the least affected by the sex tape saga and rode on it like an expert sufer and propelled herself from socialite status to international celebrity almost overnight. Everyone was ogling Paris... i mean googling Paris Hilton on the internet for whatever reason they may have... (Think Tammy from some polytechnic, its incredible how the video clip find its way to so many handphones in Singapore)
Paris does not have a voice like Kelly Clarkson but she does have a good tone. She doesn't mind the dumb blond label and rode with it in "reality" shows like the simple life. (Not much of reality in that show if you ask me, no way they will act the way they did without the cameras) She sings and act like her on screen persona, and i doubt that is the real Paris. Smart lass if you ask me. She really does know how to run a business, in this case Paris Hilton Limited. Fragrance line, get out of prison outfit, Paris is as good as it gets when you think Hollywood!
I am adding this to my to do list before i die... Meet Paris in person. I will really like to talk to her and know her as a person. Maybe she will impart some of her business acumens to me and i will be Singapore's next top entrepreneur and market myself worldwide. Think i should dye my hair blond for a start and start living my not so simple life.

What matters most

This week wasn't a great week for me. My mother had to be rush into A & E as she had difficulty breathing. Chronic Bronchitis the doctor diagnose.
it was tuesday morning when my mother started complaining about her difficulty in breathing, I had to take urgent leave to bring her to the clinic where the doctor gave her oxygen and some medication. I had to stay home to make sure she is fine, i just can't leave her home alone. I had to check up on her every 15 minutes just to make sure she was fine. By evening she recovered and had no problem with breathing anymore.
The shock came the next morning when i saw my mother sitting on the couch breathing heavily her face pale like a sheet of paper. Apparently she has already told my dad that she needs to go to the hospital but my Dad was still bathing and doing his morning routine in the morning. WTF!!! I immediately change and took my mother's IC and drove all the way to TTSH A & E. Had to take the road shoulder as the CTE was jam pack! I will buy a siren next time and fix it on top of my car, this way everyone will know its an emergency.
By the time we reached the hospital, she had to be send into the resusitation room to be resusitated! This plump male nurse was reprimanding me for not calling the ambulance to send her to the hospital earlier. I didn't want explain myself as this was the fastest way rather than waiting for an ambulance to come to send her to the hospital. I wondered if i have taken the same attitude as my dad did, would my mother have survived? The only thing i knew to do was to message some of my friends to pray for her. I was at a lost as this was out of my control already...
By the time the doctor update us of her condition, my Dad has just reached the hospital. Thank God it was good news! They managed to resusitate my mother and she only had to stay in the hospital for observation for a few days.
After talking to the doctor, he confirmed it was the smoking that cause her breathing difficulty. You see my friends, the smoking over the 60 years has caused her lungs to be already seriously damaged. Any slight change of weather that caused her to have a small cough will multiply the seriousness ten fold, twenty folds, hundred folds! Chronic bronchitis... there is no cure... you can only stop it from growing any worse.
To all my friends who are smoking, you are young and you don't see the effect of the smoking but just give yourself another 5 years, 10 years, see if it smoking will finally catch up with you? My mother felt that she didn't mind the health damage from smoking but i really want to tell her its not just about the pain she caused herself but its also the pain she cause the rest of the family members to see her suffering like that.
What matters most in life? Getting that pay raise? Getting the satisfaction of advancing in your career? Living and enjoying life to the fullest? Just spend a morning at the hospital's A&E. It may just change some priorities in your life. Suddenly, everything seems so unimportant when you realise you are on the verge of losing an important part of yor life. To me, that would be my mother. I cannot even contemplate in my mind the thought of losing her.
To quit smoking is tough. To see the need to quit is even tougher. Once there is a reason, a need to do so, it will be much easier. To my mother, her reason to quit is probably not to experience that morning again. I hope it is burn deep in her memories.
What really matters, will really matter to you, no excuses and u don't have to give any reasons.

Hk and Macau my second home for now

As i am writing my blog, i am in my room in Langham Place hotel in Mongkok. Due to my new job, i have been travelling to these 2 places very regularly. 2 more visits to HK and i can apply for a Hk frequent visitor card! Mong kok happens to be my favorite place to go when i visit HK. The streets are just so alive!
My view on the 29th floor:

The great thing is about Hk is that even during weekdays the streets are still full of life at 11pm. Don't they have to work the next day?

Taking the MTR can be such a joy as well. Except in the mornig rush hour... but i must commend the fact that they actually employ traffic marshals to ursher the passengers like sheeps to a slaughter into the train.
The pace of Macau is very slow compared to Hk or S'pore. you can sense that the people there is not in any hurry to go anywhere. What do you expect with a population of only half a million.
Well, guess i will be coming back to Singapore this sat 18th August. And the next week i will be back again. Its a good thing i love Hk and Macau. See all friends soon.

The Art of Failing

Nobody likes to fail. Everybody i know strives to do well in life. In their career, family relationships and even getting front row seats at Christina Aguilera's concert. I wil have it! I must have it! i will beg borrow and steal to get it! Well i must add that i am fan but not to that extreme.
My recent failure came in the form of failling my 2.4km run in IPPT. (See how i mentioned that i failed my 2.4km run only but not that i failed my IPPT on a whole. This way i am assured that people know that i pass the rest of the stations. Not everyone takes failure very lightly.)
I have not failed my IPPT ever since i pass out from BMT mind you. It struck me harder than i thought it would. I felt like i was trash and rubbish for having failed my IPPT.
Nevertheless, it was a wake up call. A call to action to regain my fitness. A call to take control of my discipline level. A lesson that should have stuck with me after the rigorous training in OCS. It is strange that i only grown to appreciate such training on hindsight. As much as i don't want to admit it, it did me good. It push my threshold for pain further than i thought i could acheive.
Through the failure of my 2.4km run and only my 2.4 km run, i've come to realised that failing is probably an art. Something that not many will learn to appreciate and appeals to different likings.
It is perhaps an acquired taste that not all connoisseurs would grow to love. It is like Smelly fried bean curd and Paris Hilton's song, something that you know you shouldn't like because it stinks and everybody agrees but deep down you like it.
Not that you want to fail and fail again, but you actually grow to accept it as part of life and move on with the newly acquired lessons learnt.
Failure gives you reason not to fail again. When you fail again it gives you more reason to push yourself further. Many people in life have tasted failure and never wanted to go near failure ever again. That's a total mistake! It should push you further. It should be like cold calling, you are afraid the first time second time and even the third time, but as you do it long enough you become accustomed to it and you actually fail less after that.
Not that i have lots of experience on failing but i am actually learning this fine art of failing in my life now. I will always fail in areas in my life, but the most important thing of all is to learn to fail so that you succeed .