Ever wondered why the life that others live always seem better? Everyone else seem to have direction and goals in life except you? Their life seems so fulfilling, so many things to do, so little time. They've got it made!
What do people do in their spare time anyway. Then again, everyone tells me how busy they are and have no time to spare.
You rarely hear people say that they are not busy. It makes sense actually, nobody wants people to know that they have lots of time on their hands. You make sure that you mess up your desk and make it look bloody messy. Better to be known as disorganize than to be known as a do nothing. (a.k.a zho bo)
In this day and age, nobody is ever free. Nobody ever has time.
Time is short, days are getting shorter, by the minutes, by the seconds. One fine day, we will wake up and realise that there is no longer any sense of destiny in our lives anymore.
We are no longer born for greatness, the childlikeness in us that believes that we were born for a divine purpose slowly fades away and you are left with a sense of inability. You are face with this new ability of inability. You have woken up to all your inadequacies, you have fallen short, what do you do next? Resign to mediocrity? Or do you hold on to your beliefs?
Probe further and you will be faced with more questions than answers. I am going down this path right now.
I believe that each one of us has a destiny to make a difference in the lives of the people around us. Our thoughts and actions influences the people we are in contact with. You are as great as you can be to the person next to you, to the people who knows you.
I want to embrace my inabilities. I want to know that no one is without inadequacies or insecurities. In simple terms, i want to be as human as i can be.
Please forgive my humanity. I will do wrong and i will continue to do so. And i will always need forgiveness. So forgive me for i know not what i do. I know not what i ask for.
Thursday, 29 March 2007
Monday, 8 January 2007
Can someone pass me a microphone?
If i have a choice between singing for a living or doing what i am doing now, i would sing, damn i would sing. I know that i am not much of a performer to begin with but i can hold a tune pretty confidently and pretty well.
Well the next question is why not? I mean, i love singing, i wouldn't miss a K session if my friends invite. Let me give you some scenarios:
1.Choice between mahjong session or K session? I will choose K!
2.Choice between late night supper or late night k session? k session! (Friends please org more k session so i will have less suppers please... arrrggghhh!!! I will now type faster to loose some fats around my fingers...)
3. Choice between a date with someone i fancy or K session? I will choose going to k session with date :) sigh...If only life is so simple
I wouldn't exactly say i am passionate about singing but i like singing. Its like how i started singing in Church and i don't mind serving sundays after sundays as long as i sing every week.
I think in reality, you can hardly earn a decent living as a singer alone. I am not talking about the famous ones. I am talking your pub singers, seventh month chopstick sisters or fork and spoon brothers or what have you. It can be an after 6 job but not really full time i would think.
So I guess meanwhile i will have to stick with singing your song on the roof top, giving you the most precious a red rose and maybe even singing a sad fairy tale song while playing the piano. (Only veteran K singers need understand the above mentioned)
My vocal cords are getting itchy, very itchy.... that explains why i have been breaking into songs in the office lately. I will suggest to Serene tomorrow about installing a sound system in the office. Every table will have a micophone and a small screen. Everyone will have their chance to sing after dedicating their songs. (Fiona Ong will collect the slips of paper from every table)
After every song The small screen will indicate the next singer and table, "Next song: Table beside Fion at kowloon." (Our working areas are named after streets in Hk)
That way, Annie can sing her songs and dance to it at the same time! I must add that she can dance pretty well.
Then i can have my chance to sing without all the complains from my neighbouring colleagues.
" Uh...Don't touch my mic, its my personal one, thanks."
Well the next question is why not? I mean, i love singing, i wouldn't miss a K session if my friends invite. Let me give you some scenarios:
1.Choice between mahjong session or K session? I will choose K!
2.Choice between late night supper or late night k session? k session! (Friends please org more k session so i will have less suppers please... arrrggghhh!!! I will now type faster to loose some fats around my fingers...)
3. Choice between a date with someone i fancy or K session? I will choose going to k session with date :) sigh...If only life is so simple
I wouldn't exactly say i am passionate about singing but i like singing. Its like how i started singing in Church and i don't mind serving sundays after sundays as long as i sing every week.
I think in reality, you can hardly earn a decent living as a singer alone. I am not talking about the famous ones. I am talking your pub singers, seventh month chopstick sisters or fork and spoon brothers or what have you. It can be an after 6 job but not really full time i would think.
So I guess meanwhile i will have to stick with singing your song on the roof top, giving you the most precious a red rose and maybe even singing a sad fairy tale song while playing the piano. (Only veteran K singers need understand the above mentioned)
My vocal cords are getting itchy, very itchy.... that explains why i have been breaking into songs in the office lately. I will suggest to Serene tomorrow about installing a sound system in the office. Every table will have a micophone and a small screen. Everyone will have their chance to sing after dedicating their songs. (Fiona Ong will collect the slips of paper from every table)
After every song The small screen will indicate the next singer and table, "Next song: Table beside Fion at kowloon." (Our working areas are named after streets in Hk)
That way, Annie can sing her songs and dance to it at the same time! I must add that she can dance pretty well.
Then i can have my chance to sing without all the complains from my neighbouring colleagues.
" Uh...Don't touch my mic, its my personal one, thanks."
Sunday, 3 December 2006
Ask for directions
Many times at different juncture of my life i wonder where the hell is my life heading. I believe i'm not alone. You may wonder if you are working in the right industry? Am i getting the right pay? Am i heading anywhere with this dead end job? Am i with the right person in the relationship?
Recently, i started attending TCC in hope of finding that passion for life again. Its too early to tell though. I was glad that i managed to find some old friends in TCC. I actually just drove myself to the church and attended their service without knowing anyone there. May this be a good beginning.
Sundays are now merely a get together with friends at faith. Its been this way for weeks. Hanging out with the church guys. Visited Expo today for the JL Expo sale, Big Boyz Toyz and the lousy digital fair. Took us 45 mins just to drive into the carpark! Apparently that was not enough and we had to visit Ikea after that. It took us another half and hour to find the location.
I have to learn to ask for directions, it just make things so much easier. Its a good thing one of Emma's friend knew where Ikea was. Glad she had the cow sense to ask for directions.
I have got to get myself one of those Mentor they always mention in books that i've read. That would have probably saved me alot of "accused" road that i have wandered. That would have given me a pretty good road map to life.
Recently, i started attending TCC in hope of finding that passion for life again. Its too early to tell though. I was glad that i managed to find some old friends in TCC. I actually just drove myself to the church and attended their service without knowing anyone there. May this be a good beginning.
Sundays are now merely a get together with friends at faith. Its been this way for weeks. Hanging out with the church guys. Visited Expo today for the JL Expo sale, Big Boyz Toyz and the lousy digital fair. Took us 45 mins just to drive into the carpark! Apparently that was not enough and we had to visit Ikea after that. It took us another half and hour to find the location.
I have to learn to ask for directions, it just make things so much easier. Its a good thing one of Emma's friend knew where Ikea was. Glad she had the cow sense to ask for directions.
I have got to get myself one of those Mentor they always mention in books that i've read. That would have probably saved me alot of "accused" road that i have wandered. That would have given me a pretty good road map to life.
Saturday, 18 November 2006
The Simple life
Have you ever wondered, when did life starts to be so complicated? No matter what a bitch life was, when you were in your teens, it was straight forward and simple. Well at least for me it was.
As you hit your mid 20s, you kind of hit your quarter life and life takes a turn for disaster. Suddenly, you start worrying about your job, family, your faith and especially relationships.
You hear alot about failed and failing marriages. Infidelity of either spouse in marriage, and mind you unfaithfulness in marriage is not the sole privilege of man anymore. Does it not make you wonder why bother with marriage in the first place?
I would like to believe that the constitution of marriage means something and not really just a piece of legal binding certificate. Or just a sad excuse for either spouse to get paid alimony. (Think Britney and what's that loser's name? Kevin loserline or something something)
Being in church half my life has its pros and cons. A part of me still believes in the goodness of men. but a bigger part of me has already learnt the sadness of men. (aka reality, ain't it a bloody, F***ing bitch that bites you in your arse when you least expected)
Maybe that's the reason i still go to church. I find solace, a glimmer of hope perhaps. People in church still tries to be nice most of the time. Especially in my church, u can still see people expecting goodness from one another. They have not given up hoping and expecting from men or from God. Most importantly, they have not given up hope on themselves.
Hope is such a powerful thing. It keeps you alive because it keeps you wanting to be alive. I remember once years ago when i was representing my school for a Swiss-Singapore youth forum, one of the presentations that we had to make was:"What we wanted out of life?" Mine was pure simplicity, I wanted a beautiful life, one with a beautiful wife and beautiful children living in a beautiful house.
I thought this was the simple life, something easy to aim for. I thought wrong. Keep the faith they say, keep the faith.
As you hit your mid 20s, you kind of hit your quarter life and life takes a turn for disaster. Suddenly, you start worrying about your job, family, your faith and especially relationships.
You hear alot about failed and failing marriages. Infidelity of either spouse in marriage, and mind you unfaithfulness in marriage is not the sole privilege of man anymore. Does it not make you wonder why bother with marriage in the first place?
I would like to believe that the constitution of marriage means something and not really just a piece of legal binding certificate. Or just a sad excuse for either spouse to get paid alimony. (Think Britney and what's that loser's name? Kevin loserline or something something)
Being in church half my life has its pros and cons. A part of me still believes in the goodness of men. but a bigger part of me has already learnt the sadness of men. (aka reality, ain't it a bloody, F***ing bitch that bites you in your arse when you least expected)
Maybe that's the reason i still go to church. I find solace, a glimmer of hope perhaps. People in church still tries to be nice most of the time. Especially in my church, u can still see people expecting goodness from one another. They have not given up hoping and expecting from men or from God. Most importantly, they have not given up hope on themselves.
Hope is such a powerful thing. It keeps you alive because it keeps you wanting to be alive. I remember once years ago when i was representing my school for a Swiss-Singapore youth forum, one of the presentations that we had to make was:"What we wanted out of life?" Mine was pure simplicity, I wanted a beautiful life, one with a beautiful wife and beautiful children living in a beautiful house.
I thought this was the simple life, something easy to aim for. I thought wrong. Keep the faith they say, keep the faith.
Sunday, 12 November 2006
I dedicate this post to Mr and Mrs Yip
On their wedding night, i just realise i could have said something nice about the both of them since i have the privilege of knowing both of them pretty well.
The first time i got to know Selina was during youth camp 1995. She was in my group and i was the leader with Jess my A.L (All of this sounds so juvenile on hindsight) She was quiet and demure on first impression, notice the use of past tense "was". Hmmm... come think of it, most of the church girls i know "were" quiet and demure when i first knew them. All a bloody facade i say! Kudos to those who don't hide their true self, like Brucellina for example, she never hides her love for Bruce Lee and wants to be called Brucellina, nice name i say.(Disclaimer: This is the view of the altered ego of the writer and does not represent his view when he is conscious.)
After that youth camp, we went on to the same Bible study group, cell group and even music ministry. Thats how i got to know her true self, i mean real self.... her faithfulness is really commendable.
I remember seeing Jeremy in church sometimes after service. There was this period he had this ridiculous skin head, I was wondering if he was a fan of Hitler or he must have a not so healthy diet of American History X and other Nazis related stuff.
Our first real encounter was at a basket ball court in Toa payoh. I manage to single handledly win his team in football. A painful past he tries to forget. Guess i played a part in awakening his football genes. Now his skills has improved tremendously (All thanks to me!) and he is the proud captain of F.U. (Repeat after me and say it with gusto: F.... U.....!) It stands for Faith United for those who don't know.
All in all, I just want to say that i am truly happy to see the both of you get hitched, it is truly a joy to see that u guys seem so very happy together, and through it all, i know you are both a very good match together. May u guys make beautiful babies together too. Remember, it is not just the destination, it is the process and journey that really matters.
Thanks for being a part of my life.
The first time i got to know Selina was during youth camp 1995. She was in my group and i was the leader with Jess my A.L (All of this sounds so juvenile on hindsight) She was quiet and demure on first impression, notice the use of past tense "was". Hmmm... come think of it, most of the church girls i know "were" quiet and demure when i first knew them. All a bloody facade i say! Kudos to those who don't hide their true self, like Brucellina for example, she never hides her love for Bruce Lee and wants to be called Brucellina, nice name i say.(Disclaimer: This is the view of the altered ego of the writer and does not represent his view when he is conscious.)
After that youth camp, we went on to the same Bible study group, cell group and even music ministry. Thats how i got to know her true self, i mean real self.... her faithfulness is really commendable.
I remember seeing Jeremy in church sometimes after service. There was this period he had this ridiculous skin head, I was wondering if he was a fan of Hitler or he must have a not so healthy diet of American History X and other Nazis related stuff.
Our first real encounter was at a basket ball court in Toa payoh. I manage to single handledly win his team in football. A painful past he tries to forget. Guess i played a part in awakening his football genes. Now his skills has improved tremendously (All thanks to me!) and he is the proud captain of F.U. (Repeat after me and say it with gusto: F.... U.....!) It stands for Faith United for those who don't know.
All in all, I just want to say that i am truly happy to see the both of you get hitched, it is truly a joy to see that u guys seem so very happy together, and through it all, i know you are both a very good match together. May u guys make beautiful babies together too. Remember, it is not just the destination, it is the process and journey that really matters.
Thanks for being a part of my life.
Thursday, 2 November 2006
Zombified
You sleep, wake up, go to work, sleep, wake up, go to work... have a few drinks with friends, sing k, deal with unreasonable clients at work btw these people are truly in the "Full of shit stupid idiot league." (Quote from Nic and Gin) sigh... i am off work, will not want to thnk about it.
What the heck, its like living in Monopoly, Its just going round n round n round. You earn a living, collect ur pay everytime u pass go, buy property, earn more... start a family, have children, ur children have children. Is there a point to all these? There must be a point right? I am trying to find out, so if there is someone out there who knows let me know.
If life continues this way, life is not worth living. Somebody save me from this zombified life! Now that my weekends are so without purpose, the only thing i can look forward on sunday is Bro Fred's Vision classes. Well there is also a Maxim Party to look forward to tomorrow, but that is partly work too. Wat's worst sat i am on duty for women's fair. Bloody no life.
Just trying hard to get use to my life now. Trying to take my mind off things i don't want to think about. Music helps to put me to sleep if it is the right music. For example, i am listening to damien rice now and i feel like killing myself and the next moment Michael Buble comes up with the next song on my playlist and i feel like singing n dancing to Dream little dream of me. Then again anyone who sees me dance might want to kill themselves too...
Sigh, i will end this entry with the Damien Rice song, do come to the women's fair at Marina Square Central Atrium, if anyone of you are free. Lots of freebies and fashion shows going on.
Blower's Daughter
And so it isJust like you said it would beLife goes easy on meMost of the timeAnd so it isThe shorter storyNo love, no gloryNo hero in her skyI can't take my eyes off of youAnd so it isJust like you said it should beWe'll both forget the breezeMost of the timeAnd so it isThe colder waterThe blower's daughterThe pupil in denialI can't take my eyes off of youDid I say that I loathe you?Did I say that I want toLeave it all behind?I can't take my mind off of youMy mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new...
What the heck, its like living in Monopoly, Its just going round n round n round. You earn a living, collect ur pay everytime u pass go, buy property, earn more... start a family, have children, ur children have children. Is there a point to all these? There must be a point right? I am trying to find out, so if there is someone out there who knows let me know.
If life continues this way, life is not worth living. Somebody save me from this zombified life! Now that my weekends are so without purpose, the only thing i can look forward on sunday is Bro Fred's Vision classes. Well there is also a Maxim Party to look forward to tomorrow, but that is partly work too. Wat's worst sat i am on duty for women's fair. Bloody no life.
Just trying hard to get use to my life now. Trying to take my mind off things i don't want to think about. Music helps to put me to sleep if it is the right music. For example, i am listening to damien rice now and i feel like killing myself and the next moment Michael Buble comes up with the next song on my playlist and i feel like singing n dancing to Dream little dream of me. Then again anyone who sees me dance might want to kill themselves too...
Sigh, i will end this entry with the Damien Rice song, do come to the women's fair at Marina Square Central Atrium, if anyone of you are free. Lots of freebies and fashion shows going on.
Blower's Daughter
And so it isJust like you said it would beLife goes easy on meMost of the timeAnd so it isThe shorter storyNo love, no gloryNo hero in her skyI can't take my eyes off of youAnd so it isJust like you said it should beWe'll both forget the breezeMost of the timeAnd so it isThe colder waterThe blower's daughterThe pupil in denialI can't take my eyes off of youDid I say that I loathe you?Did I say that I want toLeave it all behind?I can't take my mind off of youMy mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new...
Sunday, 29 October 2006
Life has been good to me
Life has been good to me. I would like to think so... I have put on more than 10 kg around my waist, i am sure if i was on Titanic, I would have survived with the 10 kg of fats keeping me afloat and burning to keep me warmth till all the ice berg melted.
The fact of the matter is, i don't mind being called Telly Tubby but it irks me that my clothes are not fitting anymore and the first thing people ever say to me after seeing me on the streets or in the toilet next to the bloody urinal is:"You put on weight huh? Life must have been good to you."
Who the hell dictates that increase in body Fat = 7th heaven happiness?!? Here i am worrying about buying new clothes and there u r laughing and smiling at my "Italy" (Reads Yi Da Li in chinese meaning one pack instead of six packs) I could have been eating myself silly because i was depressed and on the verge of suicide and people just have to rub it in. Bloody makes no sense.
Some friends are nice enough to say that its a good thing that i have put on weight cuz it makes me look older and more mature. (Thanks Glad!) The happiest person was my mum who felt so proud that her cooking must have improved and that she has succeeded in making me gouge on her home cook dinners. (Not true, i am hardly home for dinner)
Let me clarify, Life has not been a bed of roses for me. Even if it was, roses are full of thorns, who came up with this "Bed of roses" thing anyway? Work has been shit cuz i was down for 3 weeks due to reservist and training and the clock doesn't stop because u are gone.
My love life hasn't really.... wait a minute... I have no love life! Arrghhh.... that explains why my weekends r just like weekdays.
Well anyways, I just can't wait for my Christmas issue to hit the news stand. That would mean that Christmas is just round the corner, another sell out issue i pray.
Last but not least, i am hitting the gym now. Although its way overdue cuz i promise Impact that i am suppose to recover to my former self in 1 month (since July... alas i lied) Well i can't get any assignment anyway, now that i am working for a media owner. Least i get screwed by my boss.
I think i will buy a plain t shirt and draw a rectangle on the front of the shirt at my tummy area, that way people will think i am really Telly Tubby and i am paid to look the way i look. Bloody senseless.
The fact of the matter is, i don't mind being called Telly Tubby but it irks me that my clothes are not fitting anymore and the first thing people ever say to me after seeing me on the streets or in the toilet next to the bloody urinal is:"You put on weight huh? Life must have been good to you."
Who the hell dictates that increase in body Fat = 7th heaven happiness?!? Here i am worrying about buying new clothes and there u r laughing and smiling at my "Italy" (Reads Yi Da Li in chinese meaning one pack instead of six packs) I could have been eating myself silly because i was depressed and on the verge of suicide and people just have to rub it in. Bloody makes no sense.
Some friends are nice enough to say that its a good thing that i have put on weight cuz it makes me look older and more mature. (Thanks Glad!) The happiest person was my mum who felt so proud that her cooking must have improved and that she has succeeded in making me gouge on her home cook dinners. (Not true, i am hardly home for dinner)
Let me clarify, Life has not been a bed of roses for me. Even if it was, roses are full of thorns, who came up with this "Bed of roses" thing anyway? Work has been shit cuz i was down for 3 weeks due to reservist and training and the clock doesn't stop because u are gone.
My love life hasn't really.... wait a minute... I have no love life! Arrghhh.... that explains why my weekends r just like weekdays.
Well anyways, I just can't wait for my Christmas issue to hit the news stand. That would mean that Christmas is just round the corner, another sell out issue i pray.
Last but not least, i am hitting the gym now. Although its way overdue cuz i promise Impact that i am suppose to recover to my former self in 1 month (since July... alas i lied) Well i can't get any assignment anyway, now that i am working for a media owner. Least i get screwed by my boss.
I think i will buy a plain t shirt and draw a rectangle on the front of the shirt at my tummy area, that way people will think i am really Telly Tubby and i am paid to look the way i look. Bloody senseless.
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