The first part of most if not all christian service is praise and worship, and every time the worship is ongoing and you are singing and worshiping, what goes through your mind?
For the longest time a certain scene kept flashing through my mind for some reason that i never could put my finger on.
The particular scene was the bus interchange in Toa Payoh many years ago before the whole place was air conditioned. That particular time frame was when i was still in secondary school. I can tell because it was alway zoomed in on the bus berth for Bus 142, right opposite the 7 eleven with the mama shop right behind. For those who were ex saints know it well, that was the only bus that travels directly to our secondary school. I never knew what God was trying to say to me until last wednesday during the Healing and financial seminar.
In the midst of the service it became clear to me that for the longest time i was depending on past experiences with God to sustain my faith and beliefs. Past experiences are great only if they propel you forward in search of new ones that God has in store for us.
For the longest time i have kept God in a small little box in the corner of my head. I thought that this was it, all the past 16 years of being a christian with its ups and downs, trials and temptations is what God is all about, nothing more... maybe less. I was puting God in a box so small that i was limiting His power in my life.
Lunch with Charles took longer than expected so i didn't make it for third service though i did make it for the last service.
It was a powerful message, simple but powerful. If we can look at our lives and see some of the challenges that we are facing, this will probably be the area that God wants to strengthen us.
All things work for the good of those who love God who were called according to His
purpose.
Do we truly believe that? If we do. our mindset should change radically when we face the challenges in our lives. We should be able to do as Paul did. That is to rejoice in His trials because that is the area that God has His superabounding grace to wrap us in. That is the area in our lives that God wants to place more responsiblility with us and that is our training ground.
Sometimes we ask ourselves, after some many years why the hell am i experiencing the same thing for crying out loud?!?!? It probably meant that we have not learnt the lesson well. God is not interested to sooth your pain as much as He is interested to heal your heart by healing the root cause of it.
God wants to mould and change us by getting to the root cause. I use to think it is about digging up the past and finding out what went wrong in my childhood and whatsoever. Yes, this may help me identify what caused my insecurities when it comes to relationship, with my parents, brothers and even my friends. Why i do certain things to pissed people off especially those who are close to me. But this will not heal or cure me and make me stop doing what i am doing. Knowing that God accepts me and loves me despite all my flaws will change my heart and ultimately free me. Being without and not understanding God's love for us is the root cause of all problems.
I believe that this is the message of the cross, of how Jesus chose to hang on the cross so that the undeserving can receive forgiveness no matter what we have done wrong in our lives. The only reason why we cannot receive this free gift of Grace is when we believe that we can earn salvation by our own strength and works, in short self righteousness.
How wrong can we be? I have spent the last 16 years believing that i have to live my life right in order to draw near to Jesus and believing that one day i will conquer all my weaknesses and attain holiness, how wrong was I?
God meant for us to draw near to Christ and know that nothing we can do will make us pure and righteous but only through Christ. And when we reach the end of ourselves then will we understand and begin to fathom the depth of our Father's love for us.
Right believing will bring about right living. Whereas Right living will not give you right beliefs
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
The recession is from within
I have not have the best of time during this week. Over the weekend, my brother blacked out in the toilet and we had to call for the ambulance to send hm to the nearest hospital. It was pretty traumatizing as thoughts that he may not wake up again flashed in mind. The worried look on my mother's didn't helped either. Finally we managed to get him to the hospital at around noon after several ECG and scans the doctor confirmed that he was alright and we left the hospital around 5pm in the evening.
Today my mother just told me that my brother had to take no pay leave for 2 months as he was on medical leave after the blackout saga. Which means he will be without income for 2 months. Life goes on and expenses has to go on as well...
I was in orchard road to meet Mrs Lum today, she noticed the same thing as me. Recession? what recession? The LV and the Montblanc and all the branded stores in Ngee ann city are packed! Hour glass Dior Burberry all packed with people. Yes it is the GSS but it is still the recession right?
At least i know that the recession in my home is real. I try to stay at home and minimize my trips out unless very necessary. I have also stopped driving to minimize the fuel cost and parking charges. I am waiting for God's blessing to pur out to bring me out of this stage of my life. May the blessings of Abraham be upon me soon.
Today my mother just told me that my brother had to take no pay leave for 2 months as he was on medical leave after the blackout saga. Which means he will be without income for 2 months. Life goes on and expenses has to go on as well...
I was in orchard road to meet Mrs Lum today, she noticed the same thing as me. Recession? what recession? The LV and the Montblanc and all the branded stores in Ngee ann city are packed! Hour glass Dior Burberry all packed with people. Yes it is the GSS but it is still the recession right?
At least i know that the recession in my home is real. I try to stay at home and minimize my trips out unless very necessary. I have also stopped driving to minimize the fuel cost and parking charges. I am waiting for God's blessing to pur out to bring me out of this stage of my life. May the blessings of Abraham be upon me soon.
Friday, 22 May 2009
No Music no dream
Recently, i made a list of things that i am good at. Sort of like a strength and weaknesses kind of list. I wanted to remind myself that i am good for something. Things that God has placed in my life that i have not manifest to the best of my abilities. One of the area that i have identified was Music. God has given me a great sense of hearing, a discerning pair of ears. I was always good with picking up a tune and remembering how a particular song goes and how a singer sings the song naturally without trying real hard.
Those of you who knows you have the same ability don't take it for granted, use it go further into exploring music, in singing, playing a music instrument and even creative song writing. I am delving in it myself as well. Think of those people who are tone death and couldn't even hold a tune. Worst is that they don't even realized it! Take hold of your God given talent People.
I have always wanted to make a living out of singing but was unable to do so. I realized that thi s year is not only a year for God to redeem my lost time but also God's moulding in being faithful in the little things He has placed in my life. I am really living each day as God has given me, every thing still seems fuzzy.
Though i see right now through a glass rather dimly.... But i see enough to know that i need God's guidance each step of the way as a loving Father leads his Son.
I vaguely see some light at the end of the tunnel but i see enough to know my life is insignificant by itself but Significant in the eyes of my abba father.
Those of you who knows you have the same ability don't take it for granted, use it go further into exploring music, in singing, playing a music instrument and even creative song writing. I am delving in it myself as well. Think of those people who are tone death and couldn't even hold a tune. Worst is that they don't even realized it! Take hold of your God given talent People.
I have always wanted to make a living out of singing but was unable to do so. I realized that thi s year is not only a year for God to redeem my lost time but also God's moulding in being faithful in the little things He has placed in my life. I am really living each day as God has given me, every thing still seems fuzzy.
Though i see right now through a glass rather dimly.... But i see enough to know that i need God's guidance each step of the way as a loving Father leads his Son.
I vaguely see some light at the end of the tunnel but i see enough to know my life is insignificant by itself but Significant in the eyes of my abba father.
Saturday, 7 March 2009
It all boils down to perspective
I haven't much time to blog due to the fact that i am broke and need to find ways and means to earn the extra income and also due to helping out with my family. (See previous entry) I see life at this stage of my life pretty differently, my insignificantly singnificant life was birth out of sharing about my life thoughts and views. More importantly it is about finding directions in my life.
It has been a great tool for me to pen down my thoughts and bring clarity to certain things in my life. It has done a great job of milestoning the past few years of my life, what i have achieved or not achieved. Here are some of the things i have achieved:
1. The right attitude towards life.
In my 20s, i have had really big dreams but i was never good at doing the small things well to achieve those dreams. I have come to point in my life where i value certain things more than the monetary returns and dreams that i use to value. God, family and friends. These matters.
2. Found something that i love to do and passionate about it
If you love music, go all out and immerse yourself in it. If you love movies, likewise do the same. Be so good at it that when someone ask you something about it, you can share on the topic for hours. Be crazy about it! In return, you will find that your passion will be the one that wakes you up in the morning and keep you up in the wee hours of the morning on the internet doing research.
3. A life of fruitfulness and happiness
In the midst of all my trials and struggles, i realize that i am truly blessed. I have many good friends who love me. My mother who cares and spoils me to bits even at my advance age now. My family is still intact despite the health status that they are currently in. My bosses are the most understanding in the world, giving me a job when i need one and standing by me giving me guidance. The one thing that Max shared with me has been the reason why i am able to face my reality: "I use to complain that my feet has no shoes to wear, until i saw those who had no legs"
It's all about perspective.
If you are complaining about the 30% pay cut you just had, think about those who lost their job and have 100% cut.
If you have lost your job, think about those who lost their fortune in the stock market or even lost their love ones when money cannot buy them back.
And if you have lost your love ones recently, think of those who may have lost their whole family in disasters like the recent australia bush fire or even Katrina, 911 etc. The list can go on and on.
Be thankful today about what is right in your life and be grateful about what went wrong in your life is not worst off then it is. Be still and know that HE is God.
It has been a great tool for me to pen down my thoughts and bring clarity to certain things in my life. It has done a great job of milestoning the past few years of my life, what i have achieved or not achieved. Here are some of the things i have achieved:
1. The right attitude towards life.
In my 20s, i have had really big dreams but i was never good at doing the small things well to achieve those dreams. I have come to point in my life where i value certain things more than the monetary returns and dreams that i use to value. God, family and friends. These matters.
2. Found something that i love to do and passionate about it
If you love music, go all out and immerse yourself in it. If you love movies, likewise do the same. Be so good at it that when someone ask you something about it, you can share on the topic for hours. Be crazy about it! In return, you will find that your passion will be the one that wakes you up in the morning and keep you up in the wee hours of the morning on the internet doing research.
3. A life of fruitfulness and happiness
In the midst of all my trials and struggles, i realize that i am truly blessed. I have many good friends who love me. My mother who cares and spoils me to bits even at my advance age now. My family is still intact despite the health status that they are currently in. My bosses are the most understanding in the world, giving me a job when i need one and standing by me giving me guidance. The one thing that Max shared with me has been the reason why i am able to face my reality: "I use to complain that my feet has no shoes to wear, until i saw those who had no legs"
It's all about perspective.
If you are complaining about the 30% pay cut you just had, think about those who lost their job and have 100% cut.
If you have lost your job, think about those who lost their fortune in the stock market or even lost their love ones when money cannot buy them back.
And if you have lost your love ones recently, think of those who may have lost their whole family in disasters like the recent australia bush fire or even Katrina, 911 etc. The list can go on and on.
Be thankful today about what is right in your life and be grateful about what went wrong in your life is not worst off then it is. Be still and know that HE is God.
Monday, 9 February 2009
Year of the Ox
In December last year, my father was diagnosed with colon cancer. He had to undergo an emergency surgery to remove the tumor which was causing blockage in his colon. The doctor professed that he has not seen such a hugh tumor in a long while. Were we supposed to be comforted by that?
At that time, i could still tell myself life still goes on pretty much, my Dad has lived a a fruitful life of 75 years with many children, the cancer cell was pretty much localized and under control at stage 3, not the end of the world pretty much. All we wanted for him was that he will be happy and resting at home enjoying his retirement finally. I was more worried for my mother who seem strong on the outside but i can be sure she wasn't feeling too good inside.
On the 2nd day of new year, we had to rush him back to the hospital as he was feeling alot of discomfort with passing motion through the bag. The good news was that these discomforts were normal according to the doctor after the sugery. A week later he was discharge.
Right before the discharge, my 2nd brother broke the news to us that the doctor has confirmed that he has nose cancer pending further tests to confirm the status of the cancer cells. As i was sitting in the foodcourt as SGH with my mother, i tried comforting her that everything is going to be alright. I could tell that she was holding back her tears, the crowded foodcourt didn't managed to drown out the sound of her voice and i can still remember what she said that day. She question why all her life she had to endure so many hardships and good things never seem to fall upon her. I wish i could do more to comfort her but i could do was to tell her that she still had 2 healthy sons in the family, my elder brother and myself.
I question myself what have i really done for her all my life. Sadly, i couldn't answer that question.
Today, the doctor confirmed that my brother is in stage 4 of nose cancer, it is a pretty late stage. To top things off, he is diabetic. More scans will be done to see if the cancer cells has spread to the other organs. The doctor recommend radio and chemo therapy for him. Which means he will not be able to work for the next 6 months.
For now, i just want to spend time with my mother and brother and make sure that i can do everything within my means to make it easier for the family. Everything seems so surreal. The wierd thing is that there is not really sadness within me now. It is more of a realization that i cannot be sad especially in front of my family. Life has to go on. Life must go on.
Guess i will have to look for another job that pays better now. All my impractical dreams may have to left on the shelf for the time being. The job market is bad, more layoffs are happening all around us. I only pray that God will show mercy and let my family finally have some good news for the remaining year of the Ox.
At that time, i could still tell myself life still goes on pretty much, my Dad has lived a a fruitful life of 75 years with many children, the cancer cell was pretty much localized and under control at stage 3, not the end of the world pretty much. All we wanted for him was that he will be happy and resting at home enjoying his retirement finally. I was more worried for my mother who seem strong on the outside but i can be sure she wasn't feeling too good inside.
On the 2nd day of new year, we had to rush him back to the hospital as he was feeling alot of discomfort with passing motion through the bag. The good news was that these discomforts were normal according to the doctor after the sugery. A week later he was discharge.
Right before the discharge, my 2nd brother broke the news to us that the doctor has confirmed that he has nose cancer pending further tests to confirm the status of the cancer cells. As i was sitting in the foodcourt as SGH with my mother, i tried comforting her that everything is going to be alright. I could tell that she was holding back her tears, the crowded foodcourt didn't managed to drown out the sound of her voice and i can still remember what she said that day. She question why all her life she had to endure so many hardships and good things never seem to fall upon her. I wish i could do more to comfort her but i could do was to tell her that she still had 2 healthy sons in the family, my elder brother and myself.
I question myself what have i really done for her all my life. Sadly, i couldn't answer that question.
Today, the doctor confirmed that my brother is in stage 4 of nose cancer, it is a pretty late stage. To top things off, he is diabetic. More scans will be done to see if the cancer cells has spread to the other organs. The doctor recommend radio and chemo therapy for him. Which means he will not be able to work for the next 6 months.
For now, i just want to spend time with my mother and brother and make sure that i can do everything within my means to make it easier for the family. Everything seems so surreal. The wierd thing is that there is not really sadness within me now. It is more of a realization that i cannot be sad especially in front of my family. Life has to go on. Life must go on.
Guess i will have to look for another job that pays better now. All my impractical dreams may have to left on the shelf for the time being. The job market is bad, more layoffs are happening all around us. I only pray that God will show mercy and let my family finally have some good news for the remaining year of the Ox.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Officer's Creed
I am an officer of the Singapore Armed Forces.
My duty is to lead, to excel and to overcome.
I lead my men by example.I answer for their training morale and discipline.
I must excel in everything I do.I serve with pride, honour and integrity.
I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude and determination.
I dedicate my life to Singapore.
Looking forward in 2009, this creed holds true to all who are worried and heavy laden. All men are leaders in their own rights. First we lead our lives right before we can lead other lives.
To lead, an exceptional life by example
To excel in all things we do with pride honor and intergrity.
To overcome all adversities.
In this difficult times where retrenchment abound and pay cuts a neccessity to keep the job. We must be resillent. This crisis is not just an american problem, as much as Obama can inspire and lead the American public, we as singaporean should not only look to the leadership of the government but also to ourselves to overcome the adversities. Inner strength will determine your external circumstances.
So lets us all recite the creed!
We are the leaders of our own lives.
My duty is to lead a fruitful life, excel despite circumstances and overcome all negativity
I answer for all the things that is not right in my life, i am responsible for them and i blame no one.
Despite the economic downturn, i will remain positive and not blame the Americans or the mini bonds. I have made my choice today, and my chiice today is to trust in God and leave the rest to Him in all i do.
My duty is to lead, to excel and to overcome.
I lead my men by example.I answer for their training morale and discipline.
I must excel in everything I do.I serve with pride, honour and integrity.
I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude and determination.
I dedicate my life to Singapore.
Looking forward in 2009, this creed holds true to all who are worried and heavy laden. All men are leaders in their own rights. First we lead our lives right before we can lead other lives.
To lead, an exceptional life by example
To excel in all things we do with pride honor and intergrity.
To overcome all adversities.
In this difficult times where retrenchment abound and pay cuts a neccessity to keep the job. We must be resillent. This crisis is not just an american problem, as much as Obama can inspire and lead the American public, we as singaporean should not only look to the leadership of the government but also to ourselves to overcome the adversities. Inner strength will determine your external circumstances.
So lets us all recite the creed!
We are the leaders of our own lives.
My duty is to lead a fruitful life, excel despite circumstances and overcome all negativity
I answer for all the things that is not right in my life, i am responsible for them and i blame no one.
Despite the economic downturn, i will remain positive and not blame the Americans or the mini bonds. I have made my choice today, and my chiice today is to trust in God and leave the rest to Him in all i do.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
You can be wise @ 18 and stupid @ 30.
At age 30, you are at the point when life is suppose to be good. Normally, at 30 you will be beginning to start a family of your own or probably in the midst of starting one, preparing for the wedding etc. For some, a child is on the way or some are already parents. At least that is what is happening around me.
I was just reading an article on Mypaper this morning, interestingly, there was a quote from Arsene Wenger, Manager of Arsenal Football Club. The Arsenal team he is managing is a relatively young and inexperience team because of their age, so he argued that the trophy is not necessary won by the more experience and older teams but rather the more talented, teams that shows more desire and intelligence, irregardless of age.
I realised a common trait amongst the successful footballers and the not so successful. Wenger is right in certain aspects, age is not everything. Neither is talent. It is a combination of Talents, intelligence and more importantly desire that sets the champions apart from the rest.
All you have to do is look at Liverpool, they have the players and talents but yet they constantly stumble in the premier league for the many years it has been played. This season they did better because they showed more desire than the previous seasons.
Steven Gerrald is one of those players that showed desire, Mascherano and Torres also showed desire. Kurt, Reira, Carrager and alonso are also playing better because they caught on to the desire to win. Rafa has managed to bring in players that has the desire to win. No offense to the talented players who use to play for Liverpool. Think Kewell, he is such a talented player but you can see that he lacks the drive and desire.
Well, enough of football talks. I am beginning to realise the one important thing lacking in my life now is desire. A desire for excellence, a desire to want to do the best of my potential. If anyone can show me how to fan my desire for life please enlightened me. I am beginning to feel that i was wiser when i was 18 full of desire for life and now coming 30, i am just being to lose that desire to live life. What a shame..........
I was just reading an article on Mypaper this morning, interestingly, there was a quote from Arsene Wenger, Manager of Arsenal Football Club. The Arsenal team he is managing is a relatively young and inexperience team because of their age, so he argued that the trophy is not necessary won by the more experience and older teams but rather the more talented, teams that shows more desire and intelligence, irregardless of age.
I realised a common trait amongst the successful footballers and the not so successful. Wenger is right in certain aspects, age is not everything. Neither is talent. It is a combination of Talents, intelligence and more importantly desire that sets the champions apart from the rest.
All you have to do is look at Liverpool, they have the players and talents but yet they constantly stumble in the premier league for the many years it has been played. This season they did better because they showed more desire than the previous seasons.
Steven Gerrald is one of those players that showed desire, Mascherano and Torres also showed desire. Kurt, Reira, Carrager and alonso are also playing better because they caught on to the desire to win. Rafa has managed to bring in players that has the desire to win. No offense to the talented players who use to play for Liverpool. Think Kewell, he is such a talented player but you can see that he lacks the drive and desire.
Well, enough of football talks. I am beginning to realise the one important thing lacking in my life now is desire. A desire for excellence, a desire to want to do the best of my potential. If anyone can show me how to fan my desire for life please enlightened me. I am beginning to feel that i was wiser when i was 18 full of desire for life and now coming 30, i am just being to lose that desire to live life. What a shame..........
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